I am niavi's...
I am niavi's favorite paperback. Unlike her other books, I am not placed on the shelf to gather dust; I sit on the chair she has not used for over a month now since my return. Everyday when she wakes up, she looks at me and thinks whether she should conceal my tattered skin. But after some time of mental dialectic, she shakes off the idea and sighs, "You are a crime and I'm the criminal."
I am niavi's Meteor Garden poster. Her kind Grams taped me to her door during the days of MG craze. Above me is a sticker of the child Son Gokou. Son Gokou was placed high, beyond niavi's reach. If anything, he is safe. He will not be pulled down when niavi gets her new poster from her friend. I am dreading, counting the days before she tears me off her door.
I am niavi's overly acidic and lactose-intolerant stomach. Whenever she eats high cholesterol food, drinks milk or carbonated or alcoholic beverage, or does not eat or drink at all, I get hurt and she nearly dies of the pain. But if you know niavi, you definitely are aware of one of her cherished philosophies: masarap ang bawal. True, niavi's pain can be considered beyond tolerance, but she doesn't think about that while she hits on the forbidden. Soy milk. Sip after sip after sip. Carton after carton after carton. An hour or two, and then pain.
I am niavi's fried brain. I am doomed to calculate for the rest of her life. Even when niavi is sleeping, her nightmares are of dancing butt-naked numbers. But last night, I gave her a different nightmare. Her teeth were falling off. She woke up alarmed, fearful that it was an omen that someone in the family will die. After a little while, she got over it and stared at the ceiling instead. I can't have my teeth falling off. Braces are expensive. What a shame to use dentures after all the money Papa spent on my teeth.
I am niavi's guilty conscience. When the semester started, she swore that she would religiously study to redeem herself. Well, she did that -- for more or less two weeks. Now, she's slacking off again.
When the semester started, she swore she would forget about the past. She would move on. She would not miss the overnight sessions, the rehearsals in THY, the people she loved to work with, the boy. She would get rid of all these things and get on with her life, because these things, these people seemed to have gotten over the past easily. She envies them. She hopes to forget so she would not be slacking off again.
And so I am her guilty conscience. Because no matter how hard she tries to do the things she has to do, she will strive forever to rationalize them -- for her benefit and for those who love her. I wish to be free of the guilt of course, but her sensitivity to even trivial things makes it impossible for me to recover.
***inspired by tyler durden, fight club
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{/.9:35 AM}
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meet bert
oh, f*ck. why the name?
You Are Bert
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Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!
You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you
You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil
How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others
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logout;.
{/.1:49 PM}
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does this work?
haha! finally have 'em. but i suggest you view 'em at my second blog since space there's a luxury. okie dokie?
niavi2logout;.
{/.11:17 AM}
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yosi
She felt weak but very eager. With heavy steps. she made her way to the cart wanting and not wanting to kiss the poison she tried to abstain from ever since that vicious last time at the back of her cousin's house. She drew her purse from her bag that was all cluttered with paper and junk, and exchanged her few precious tokens for that which the world coveted --- oblivion, suicide, heaven.
Like a child treating herself to her favorite candy after a rather painful trip to the dentist, she held her escape between her fingers and reached excitedly for its complement. Dammit, she thought. The complement was one of those roll-types that she never really got to using even if she grew up searching for them in her father's pockets. She knew and she'd already accepted that she was just a novice in such and such affairs, bound to commit mistakes out of clumsiness and irregularity of habit [if ever habit could be irregular]. But she also knew it would be a blow to her ego if she couldn't accomplish the task satisfactorily. If only her vice guru were there, that wouldn't be too big a problem. He'd happily initiate for her.
She sucked on the pellet she'd been consuming, intending to postpone her attempt for even a splitsecond. The cart woman looked on. The old man near the stand cleared out his lungs and spit greenish phlegm. When time comes, that'll be the first legislation I'm going to pass -- no fucking spitting on the ground.
She sucked harder. Her mouth went dry. Harder, until her tongue felt numb. Harder, until she felt a tinge of pain. She stopped.
This is pointless. Suffer or suffer longer. With a silent stipulation of mind and body, she fixed her thumb against the metal and slid it down. Nothing. Then, with a second attempt, a heavier push, the sacred flame ignited.
She lit the slender and fragant beauty that was parting her chapped lips. The tip of her stick climaxed to a brief red and eventually turned to ash. For a first glorious moment, she took a drag and the incense was in her -- its bitter taste spread over the roof of her mouth, into her gums and, embraced her tongue, the magic of its chemical erased the worries and tension in her head, the pangs of guilt from having taken it coursed throughout her body. She thought she would choke on it with the air playing on the border of her throat. Then she released it, slowly, admiring it as long as its visibility permitted, taking in every detail before it gave itself to evanescence.
She continued to work it as she made her way towards the adjacent building. With every step, her questions plagued her, the intensity of rhetorics merely worsening the condition of her fried brain. She saw her life as the exact same thing she was hitting on. How could something so good also be a detriment? Why is it that there is a need to belong and, upon acceptance, the mounting urge to escape? Why do reasons always turn into excuses? Why this tolerance for pain, this willingness to take risks? How come no pleasure ever lasts? What and where is happiness? Don't I have a fucking say in things? It's my life after all.
She sat on the washed out steps of her college. She felt like a speck, an unimportant detail of a bizaare scene, a minute obscenity in the raw, unnoticeable to the public who constantly passed her by. She felt ill. She breathed; with every drag she consumed and was consumed. A few more, and her last.
Then it was over. She stood up and walked a few steps away from the guard. She threw the evidence of her existence, the nothingness of the butt, and crushed it with her foot to pacify the remaining cinders. As she was feeling for her purse in her bag, a guy who hardly knew her but had been quite a figure not so long ago in her life, came by and asked.
"Can I borrow your lighter?"
She smiled and looked at him with all the sincerity she could muster.
"Sorry, I don't smoke."
***written on a day when the heavens were gray and my eyes were red
logout;.
{/.4:20 AM}
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joon ki video!
dammit! i can't embed the goddam video! arrrgggh!
just click this thing anyway.
sooo. salivate.
joon ki for giordanologout;.
{/.11:37 AM}
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on a greasy day
i've been planning to write a review of eleven minutes but i'm so busy i can't collect my brain to do it. sorry.
* ** ***
i have tears in my eyes right now. i just finished reading a manga, paradise kiss. there was no way i saw the story ending that way. absolutely no way. hooray, ai yazawa, you've hit me. you're pessimistic realism sure is super.
malin's right. this is so much more mature than ayashi no ceres.
* ** ***
hooray me for having some progress. i already got replies from both san miguel corp. and nestle. i also talked to the guy from the basement [the event's venue]. now i just have to report on what's going on and await a go signal. sure hope everything turns out cool.
* ** ***
and, oh yeah, i feel miserable that the mavs lost to heat.
logout;.
{/.3:58 PM}
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g-spot!
i searched for illustrations of the g - spot from yahoo and here's what i got.
Defining the "Grafenberg spot" or "G spot" is not a simple task. Most would simply say it is an area of high sensitivity located within the paraurethral structures. The problem with this definition is, the sensitivity of this area is not likely to be constant. If a woman is not sexually aroused, she may not have a G spot. If the same woman is highly aroused and her paraurethral glands are engorged with prostatic fluid, she may have a very distinct G spot. There are perhaps women who are not aware of a G spot even though they ejaculate and experience a more intense orgasm if their paraurethral glands are stimulated. It is for these reasons that it is important for people not to form a concrete definition of what a G spot is. Each woman will create her own definition, one valid only for her.
The next question for debate concerns whether or not "all" women have a G spot or G crest. This is not really a valid question. The G spot indicates the "sensitivity" of a non-specific area of tissue. The "G-Crest" defines the swollen "condition" of the paraurethral glands during sexual arousal. There are no anatomical structures with these names. This is in part why people have trouble finding it. What one needs to look for are the paraurethral glands. All women have these and it is likely that they all produce at least a small amount of fluid that may seep out and mix with the other fluids that are present in much larger quantities.
more or less, i think i already know what this is about. the reference i got was pretty lengthy and i was feeling a little lazy so i just scanned through it. in case you'd like to know more for yourself click
here. [i suggest you do visit the link. it's very informative.]
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{/.8:56 AM}
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g-spot?
just finished reading eleven minutes by paulo coehlo [credit: cams; review will hopefully be posted soon].
something really, really bothered me.
where is a female's g-spot? just when i thought i knew every theory that had to be known about this stuff, suddenly here's something that pokes me in the eye, laughing and screaming, "are you sure? you don't even know where i am!" i may sound absurd and nonsensical. there are about a billion other philosophical things that i could ponder on regarding the book but i really can't help it because this keeps going into my head. it may seem obvious that it's somewhere in the reprod sys, but where there?
bleh. why am i even asking..?
logout;.
{/.7:28 PM}
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lee joon ki
although this must be the ickiest entry i have made, im still going to publish it merely for the purpose of making the comparison. i say the major difference lies in my reverence for wookie and my disgust towards champ. happy viewing.nah. can't do that. i just wanted to piss malin off by posting their respective images here. i got as far as saving the images in my photobucket account and copying the links to my pad. but i can't. after some reflection, i undid it. i don't have the strength to betray wookie. *the maniac laughs*
our
my girl marathon commenced last monday. we started round1p and got hold of ourselves round 830? 9? 930? can't remember. we did two more dvds this morning, and tomorrow, we're planning to watch the last disc [hooray classes don't start till 230p]. it's too good! i want to try to explain how in a way i can relate to the story [ewww that] but i will not do it since i don't wanna spoil anyone's viewing or show how very pathetic i can be. anyway, there a lot of nice scenes in the series but nothing beats the triumphant
diskarte acts of my fave character. [now that i thought about it, it's a lot brighter for me to have his picture here than champ's.]
lee joon ki as zhenyun [nico]
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{/.6:39 PM}
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ssshhh
how much longer do i have to wait?
i know it's selfish and foolish and whatever but sometimes that particular feeling of loneliness is just so strong that i can't hold it back anymore.
i need.. somebody.
you know who you are.
stop hurting me.
save me.
logout;.
{/.5:33 PM}
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julian
niavi: do you love me?
*picture nods*
*niavi laughs triumphantly*
logout;.
{/.4:09 PM}
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yada yada
whoa. surprise. to my face. thanks. it was cool.
logout;.
{/.1:32 PM}
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my first day back
so my reg wasnt that bad. it was my first time ever since after frosh to actually get things done in a single day. wow. go me! sked is as follows [forgive the crappy format, i havent asked malin to teach me how to make tables]:
mth
230-445p ........ accounting [114.1]
530-7p ............ business law [161]
tf
10-1130a ......... intro to mgt [101]
1-230p ............ finance [141]
230-4p ........... mgt sci [182]
yeah. you got it. it kinda sucks. when i thought about it during the summer, i thought it was gonna be pretty cool since 16.5 units could actually fit into 2-days-a-week sked [ive exhausted my GEs! and they say PI 100 during sem got tons of readings] but since the rvc did all the block assigning, i had no choice but to swallow whatever they gave me. on the bright side, that's a little less hassle compared to having to manually enlist the courses. haha. i remember telling bianca i was going to be nocturnal this sem.
* ** ***
i went to the tambayan after paying my tuition and guess what? haha! i saw ninang and ate amry, chella, and bunso and ate faite! hehe.. i miss these people! esp. my ninang.. dammit. i wish i couldve stayed a little longer and waited for more sisters to arrive but there. *sigh*
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A- Damn good in bed
B-You are always fun when it comes tomeeting
new people.C- You wild and crazy
D- Damn good in bed
F-People totally adore you
G-Love is something you deeply believein
H-You have very good personality andlooks
I-You have a nice ass
J-Everyone loves you
K- You like to try new things
L-You are so damn sexy
M-success comes easily to you
N-You have a BIG warm Heart
O-You love foreplay
P-You are popular with all types ofpeople
Q-You are a hypocrite
R- Your very talkative
S-People think you are so sexy
T-You are the best in bed
U-You are really chill
V-You are not judgmental
W-You are very broad minded
X- You never let people tell you what to do
Y-One of the hardest gangsters/rockersalive
Z- youre lovable
----so----
n - you have a BIG warm heart (aww)
i - you have a nice ass (i know.)
a - damn good in bed (uh - huh..)
v - you are not judgmental (uh, actually, i am kinda..)
i - you have a nice ass (yeah. make that two. exactly.)
logout;.
{/.11:03 AM}
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