yesterday
weird. i thought the NU jockey said itchyworms would be at southmall at 4p yesterday. but heck. since when did a rock band perform with a garfield mascot doing front act..? weird.
i thought jo-kate (happy birthday!)would meet us at doMcs times but then camile showed up, which is kinda great since i've been hoping to harass her for the latest of her manuscripts. haha. i love her work. she's a talented writer, standout even for non-pros. ive just added her not-very-updated-nevertheless-has-materials blog in my links. you may want to check it out.
i also met melody, and gem. good thing i saw them. they both looked fresh, compared to me, who looked a bit off color, i think. wah. i miss 'em! i haven't seen them, talked to them for a very long time. yeah, i've been callin gem but still it's not the same when you can talk to her in person and actually observe her. she is one of my closest friends after all.
after waiting for almost an hour for tiff and michiko and being starved for ice cream, we went to kate's. waha! food never tasted so good! there was caldereta, pancit palabok, bangus, tilapia, pancit bihon, hipon, porkchops, lumpia, another beef meal i dunno the name, and lots more i can't remember. but the best thing bout it all is that her mother prepared everything! haha.. she must've started cookin since friday night.
i did my best, given i couldn't chew a lot because of the metal in my mouth. it's not that i'm an ingrate for not being thankful to have these installed free of professional charge because i'm way more appreciative than i seem; thing is, i really do miss eating a lot. it's different when you can chew meat and not feel worried it may have stuck to the wires in your molars, it's different when you can chew food for a change and not just mash them with your tongue and swallow 'em way they are because your front teeth feel queer. i maybe an occasional glutton but still.. good food is one of the few good things in life. i'm saying nonsense again.
i hope kate enjoyed her birthday. she was always up at somethin: opening beer bottles, choppin ice into cubes, dispatching the song book from one group to the other, etc. oh well. she was doin great playin host-ess (hehe, i really don't like that word).
aside from the food, what i totally enjoyed was the videoke. i know i'm a sucker for these machines. so what? i just wanna sing. what's wrong with that? haha. probably what's wrong is that i sing too much. i believe i can sing. i hope i can sing. dammit! i really just wanna sing! haha! i've been wanting to since tuesday, or rather, ever since i heard there's this canteen in katips that had such mech. finally. the desire ebbed when i grabbed hold of the mic last night. good thing kate paid all the neighbors already, nobody gave a damn if we were disturbing their serene existence. haha.
owing to the 4a arrival from salve's, my parents had me leave kate's 'round 8 (consider: curfew passed after a bargaining series i dragged them into). i still wanted to stay but i can't push my luck. they may not have let me in that time.
i got off at times and met kilo and gnod. nothing too eventful after that, just fits of schizophrenic guffaws. we got off at mercury, moonwalk to grab a ponstan capsule for papa, and i'm in debt of php25, payable to kilo. then we crossed the road, to the side of the terminal. haha. funny. there were two big trailer trucks on that side of the road. i told kilo, "gagu malaki yan! di natin kaya yan!" and we started laughin. crazy as they were though, the people inside the trucks started laughin, too. i wonder... did we make a hilarious sight? freaks. haha.
logout;.
{/.11:03 AM}
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grab the damn cash
oh god this is freakin crazy. when i came into the room pa asked me where i'd like to spend the 50T. i thought i was hearing things. spend the 50 what~~? it didn't hit me at once. 10 minutes back, he told me i lacked requirements for the scholarship, i asked if we could still submit whatever made my application incomplete, he shrugged maybe and then the matter went to oblivion, forgotten til he started kissin me.
but there. i said i'd like to spend the money on a laptop. tuition, school supplies, other caprices/passions (holy crap! i could spend the whole lot on books!), etc. oh well. if you look at it from the laptop angle, it's kinda small, but hell, it's a lot more than i've ever hoped for.
this afternoon i was badgering minet for my 1T refund, that she happened to give to an earlier met ash. i've been feeling broke these past few days (feeling, though i'm not really. i do have money but i'm saving it so i can treat myself to something fairly expensive this crhistmas) and i need money to buy jet's gift (a student from mbc whom i swore to give a prize for answering my trivia question and supporting my hosting stint). also i've been planning to get to tetet's tonight so we can watch the ~~emily rose. but i can't go there if i'm out of cold paper now, can i? i'm not a mikhail-type who'll get his share of the pizza paid by the group. and so i stuck to this condition in my head: if i got my 1T, i'm going over to tetet's, if not, then i'ma go straight back home.
and fate ever so considerate did me.. what it did me(haha!). the 1T slipped away and i was left with php70 in my pockets. so i went home and found out bout the educational grant. really freakin crazy. *toothy smile*
* ** ***
hay. i'll be updatin on other stuff some time soon. i'm pretty tired right now and it's quite confusin to type and talk to jenny at the same time! tata!
logout;.
{/.7:04 PM}
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motto
never mind problems. they can sort themselves out.
for the past few weeks, this has been my sworn motto in life. no wait. it has been my motto in life since time immemorial, i just realized it is when saerom asked for an advice some days back. what does it say? well, for one, it says don't waste your life on things that'll steal your youth and depreciate your confidence in your physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and social capacities. some might say this applies to every delinquent and astray individual on the planet. they maybe right and i won't deny it because a facet of the general context suggests so. however, wise people *ehem* can use this whatever disposition, coupled with great timing, to their advantage.
case 1 (they sort themselves out): cwts alsmost killed me last sem. day and night, and night and day, all i did was worry 'bout where the heck we were supposed to get the 40K. the train of thought that develops each time i try to think of a brilliant solution keeps gettin more and more absurd by the minute --- i start with the idea of giving out solicitation letters to rich company officers, and somehow, i get to thinking of pulling a bank robbery stint. 'course i'd never do that desperate measure no matter how desperate i am (i would never have succeeded anyway). so i just gave my best in what i could do. i did my job: i looked for donors, gave them the info, and convinced them best i could. whether they shared or not was a decision left to them. turned out that the group was a little short on the money, even so, i gather the dedication to respective jobs was there, and that might be why we all avoided being in a gray area. so see here, come the end of sem and the issuance of accomplished class cards, i find out i passed the subject. whew, yeah.
cwts group: wacked
cwts group: corporate look!
case 2 (if they don't seem to, keep on believing they will): this week was devoted to enlistment. the important thing was to get 18 units and pe. wednesday, the manual enlistment sked for non-tri-coll students (crappy if you ask me), as usual, was just pacute. thursday wasn't counted as prerog day because it was full as it was. today, however, was my judgment day. my charm was once more put to test. i have been dreading to approach the instructors since last night; to say that all the emotion welling up inside me was complete terror is an understatement. anyway, time is always a tease, so no matter what i did to make it go slower, it pissed me by moving faster. i tried a dance class and the prof plain screwed my chance of losing weight and getting a decent sked by refusing me. oh well, sometimes attitude is a curse. i thought of my other alternatives. there were still other classes going about, and i decided i might go for social dance rather than volleyball. the instructor is kind but the condition she asked of all those who would like to prerog seemed.. i dunno how to describe it exactly but if there's one thing i know, it's that for sometime i felt like freakin out. she asked us to dance.. before the whole class. dancing might have been a chicken feat for the others but for me it's totally.. not. it's not that i don't dance. i mean, sure i dance but i don't think it likely that i would be seen dancing in front of people and for their entertainment and during a time when not a single strand of muscle control is awake in my head. but there. i must've looked like a freak, a creep, a loser who totally sucks but i did it anyway just to get the class. oh, the extents you'd go to. urggggh.
class after pe was econ and after that i have a 3 hr break that i have to fill with an ah (that's AH, as in arts and humanities). i joined d2 and waited for niña (the birthday girl!) so we could give her her 18 lollipops and sing her the birthday song.
micha and cams fixin decors
voila! finished product!
joke
nanaman ako
five asses, three faces, and jm's pants
ivo and charmo
archie busted
cute!
porn! hehe
mas porn!
she finally arrived.
i was aiming to be at cal for prerog by 1130 but the songs, greetings, photo ops took longer than expected. i might've sounded like an oc, constantly nagging saerom to go to cal. but there (again). we got there 20 minutes after classes started and the prof of our target class was halfway her discussion. we waited on her door, got her attention and a smile, and waited some more, in the process acting as seaweeds. haha. we thought we might get a little ahead, wanting to get into theater class an' all. anyway, the prof didn't let us in 'til the class was through but just the same, after a pacute and pagmamakaawa, she enlisted us. fate favored us. :D
fine. at some point i maybe wrong. but this works for me so i won't really mind if you disagree.
logout;.
{/.11:14 PM}
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sat-mon
think ivy. remember how the past days were like. try chronology. be a little organized. right~~
saturday:
i know my room looks like a nightmare --- used clothes bulging out of the hamper and onto the floor, sheets unmade, ants creeping past from unknown shipping points to equally unknown destinations, study table littered with paperbacks, worksheets, journals, a number of notebooks, bags, accessories, pens, erasers, file folders, tons of paper... dammit. the list could go on and i could take all month. but the thing here is, i don't wanna do anything about it at all. that's typical of me.
the windows were open. that must be how it got in and from there on, it wasn't me anymore. imagine this. past one in the morning, you see me up and about tidying up my cluttered room. i start with my desk, then my clothes and my bed. i would have dusted the windows and the shelf, and swept and mopped the floor if i didn't get rid of the thing that got into me.
ding! ding! ding! ding! got any idea of what got into this girl? what? i can't hear you! that's right kids! it's the spirit of bree! brilliant answer!
**hours later**
pa, ma, von, kim --- pack arrived minutes before lunch. everyone got ready and more or less an hour after, we were on the way to batangas. (visits became more frequent ever since lola underwent dialysis.)
lolo and lola at tita josie's
anyway, can't remember what time we got there. all i remember is that i stayed at tita ana's 4/5 of the visit, bummed there, sat in front of the tv and watched flicks, slept, woke up, watched mosquitoes hovering above me, drowsed off, thought, did crap, blah blah. do i sound like the trip was dreadful? sorry.. i actually had a nice time there, catching up with what's been goin on with their lives and all. i just.. i dunno.. felt incomplete.
anyway, that night (or sunday morning, vice-versa), i ended up watching till there was you starring juday and piolo. haha. the choice was between 2 , 7 and sleep. i was nowhere near drowsy, and so i just endured watching the damn thing. i didn't like it very much.. i mean, juday and piolo? urrrghh. but i totally adore the kid. she was smart and cute and sweet. she reminded me of my dream of having my own daughter someday. haha. i swear i'm gonna be a great mum.
sunday:
off in slumba world 'til round 9. didn't wanna get up but von hit me hard on the arm and i got so damn mad i got up and slapped off his lungs, sent them flying halfway to the neighbor's yard. now i fully digest what that filipino proverb means (the one bout fooling about the drunk vs pissing the half-asleep).
we went home shortly after lunch, and i did so reluctantly because coach carter was still on the roll. not much after that. attended service at 7, got home, ate the much coveted puto bumbong, watched a little tv, hit the bed, off to slumba world again.
monday:
woke up fairly early. bummed at pa's office 'til 11, went off to lunch, and straight to cba. met saerom there with her bro, then a josh sharing an umbrella with a mark turned up, almost simultaneously with pol rising from a crack on the ground (haha. joke.). we went to the arcade after, they finished off their lunch while i racked my neurons doing the crossword. we went back to cba and lined up for advising.
got 15 units. have to return on wednesday for enrolment and manual enlistment. here i go again. i'm still a bit traumatized. i haven't fully recovered from last reg's desperation. waaah.
something nice about today: archie brought buko pie! we (me, niña, ash, gil, pol, chie, and donn) pigged out at the back lobby of the 3rd floor. i wasn't really keen on that sort of food but that very thing we ate was something different. i've tasted loads of buko pie before but so far, that was the best.
**now**
the carmen-minyong-marites soap love triangle (a.k.a. kilo and i talkin nonsense):
kiloki: dahil inagaw mo sakin si minyong!!! kiloki: enelya_morwen: ples namankiloki: enelya_morwen: pabayaan mo na kamekiloki: enelya_morwen: mas kilangan ka sa incatadyakenelya_morwen: naeentendehan mu naman yon debakiloki: hindi ako titigil hanggat hnd napapasakin muli c minyong!!kiloki: 真的好感激你啊enelya_morwen: nagmamahalan kameenelya_morwen: walang makakapegel sa ameng mga damdamen!enelya_morwen: tandaan mu yan!kiloki: huh!kiloki: yan ba ang ipapanlalaban mo sa nakaraan namin ni minyong??kiloki: baka hindi mo pa alamenelya_morwen: ano pala palabas sa siete nung sabadokiloki: nag bunga ang aming pagiibigan!!kiloki: nagdadalang tao ako mariteskiloki: nagdadalang tao ako!!!kiloki: til der was u baenelya_morwen: hindeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!enelya_morwen: baween mu ang senabe mu, baween mu!!!!!kiloki: hndkiloki: tanggapin mo ang katotohananenelya_morwen: hende ako makapapayag na agawen saken ng batang yan si menyung!kiloki: wala ka ng magagawaenelya_morwen: *dos ung til there was u ehkiloki: hindi mo macccc ang bata!!kiloki: wala kang karapatang cchin ang anak namin ni minyong!!kiloki: WALA!!kiloki: *di ko alm un...enelya_morwen: halemaw ang laman nyang teyan moenelya_morwen: hende aku nanenewalang kay menyung yanenelya_morwen: hendeenelya_morwen: huhuhuhukiloki: hndekiloki: wala na akong ibang minahal pa kundi c minyongkiloki: matagal kaming nagsama lam mu yankiloki: nag lib in kame sa bahay ng amu ko nung omowe cla sa stetsenelya_morwen: tama kakiloki: alam mo yanenelya_morwen: alam kung matagal na kayung magkasamaenelya_morwen: piru tinotaym ka nyaenelya_morwen: buypren ku na sya kahet nung kayu paenelya_morwen: huhuhukiloki: ngunit cya parin ang ama ng dinadala ko!!enelya_morwen: piru aku ang mahal nya!enelya_morwen: aku!kiloki: hndekiloki: pagbibigyan niya ang anak namenenelya_morwen: hende nya ku eewanenelya_morwen: sa katonayan, magpapakasal na kame bokasenelya_morwen: padalhan keta ng imbitisyon kaya lang sa risipsyon nakiloki: hnd ako naniniwalaenelya_morwen: baka homadlang ka pa sa ameng kasalkiloki: hnd matutuloy ang kasal ninyo!kiloki: dahil bukas na bukaskiloki: iluluwal ko na ang bata!!enelya_morwen: bwahahahahahahahaenelya_morwen: sege tamaenelya_morwen: ilowal mu ang batang yan bokaskiloki: enelya_morwen: nang hende ka makaponta sa ameng pag-eesang debdebkiloki: (tawa ng kontrabida)enelya_morwen: *an laswakiloki: huhkiloki: yan ang akala mokiloki: hindi mo mabababasa ang aking isipankiloki: humanda ka!!kiloki: enelya_morwen: breng et un bits!kiloki: Talk to the Hand! So, uh, what's going on?kiloki: (laughing)kiloki: *ARW NG KASAL
haha.
* ** ***
lookin for that haloscan thingy.
logout;.
{/.12:33 AM}
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bum-ass
i'm a bum and an ass. i'm a bumming ass. i'm an assing bum.
tsk, tsk, tsk. whatever.
| You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
i'm not having second thoughts about this. i'm really a girl. instincts on the roll.
| Halloween Horoscope for Pisces |
You tend to go for traditional, if not a bit historical, Halloween themes.
Candied apples, pumpkins, and warm cider make you excited each year.
Costume suggestions: An evil sorceress / sorcerer or a renaissance pirate / wench.
Signature Halloween candy: Candy corn |
| In a Past Life... |
You Were: A Kind Magician.
Where You Lived: Italy.
How You Died: Dysentery. |
| All American Kid |
Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain.
You were well rounded and well liked in high school. |
| Your Sexy Brazilian Name is: |
Cintia Meira |
| Your Seduction Style: Prized Object |
The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.
You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!
You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for. |
| You Are Japanese Food |
Strange yet delicious.
Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw. |
haha!! i'm a maki!!
| Your Band Name is: |
The Juggling Ninjas |
| Your Power Color Is Red-Orange |
At Your Highest:
You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.
At Your Lowest:
You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.
In Love:
You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.
How You're Attractive:
You are very affectionate and inspire trust.
Your Eternal Question:
"Am I Respected?" |
| Slow and Steady |
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.
They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.
It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.
They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. |
i think i'm the exact opposite. oh well.
| Your Animal Personality |
Your Power Animal: Eagle
Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale
You are active, a challenger, and optimistic.
Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal. |
| Your Hawaiian Name is: |
Noelani Iwalani |
| You Are Somewhat Machiavellian |
You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to! |
this i firmly believe.
| You're a Romantic Kisser |
For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet |
kisses, anyone?
| Your Daddy Is George Clinton |
What You Call Him: Big Daddy
Why You Love Him: He takes you to church |
haha.
| You Should Learn Japanese |
You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko! |
| Your Hidden Talent |
You are both very knowledgeable and creative.
You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential.
Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them.
As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there. |
| Your 1920's Name is: |
Alfreda Jannie |
| Your Career Type: Social |
You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.
Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian
Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer
Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
| Your Love Quote |
True love stories never have endings. |
| Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is |
Spontaneous, on a tropical vacation, when he realizes he can't be without you. |
| You Are A Lily |
You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.
People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.
You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.
Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize. |
| Your Japanese Name Is... |
Shoko Matsumoto |
saturated? same here.
logout;.
{/.3:34 PM}
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lately
finished the shopaholic trilogy yesterday! darn. i'm really so like becky. the stupidity and all. ok, no point pushin it further.
* ** ***
god! i totally hate evil mother-in-laws! first, it was elinor. now it's samara's. this is drivin me insane. what's wrong with them? is there any fulfillment in making another person's life a living hell, given that that person is loved by someone you love? freaks.
* ** ***
it's not like it's unthinkable for any freshie to make the US list but still... him? i know he's smart and all but... ok. so no loopholes. no buts. i thought i was over my obssession but i'm not. and this new development in his life just thrilled me even more, i can't help but drop my jaw and 'ahhh' and 'oooh' in wonder. i'm really getting deranged.
* ** ***
salve's debut is scheduled next week! she might come over tomorrow; we're doing the programme. i'm excited for her! and a little worried, i mean, why shouldn't i be? she's just recovered from her dengue thing meets heart complication and she might get a little more stressed out with the prep and the actual debut. hope all goes well.
* ** ***
finally! bebang and i met online! i miss her so much. pretty glad she's coming to salve's debut. we need to do a lot of catching up. so far what she's told me is that she and pol are former classmates (back in gs) though, i haven't told pol bout it ('course he knows they're classmates, duh. but that me and bebang are really tight buddies... there.). my, my. i'm startin my countdown.
logout;.
{/.11:31 PM}
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today
i've just lost the appetite to do a decent entry. i mean, i have all the thoughts jumpin inside my head a few minutes back, as a matter of fact, i feel really excited to get them all here, but the nagging of my mum just irritated me so much. what's so wrong with resuming a job i've paused? and there's no point trying to explain things because she won't get it (she's not slow. she's only a little close-minded.). waaah. she can really drive me mad. i'll do what i can, though, to share what i've been doing over the past few days. here goes.
* ** ***
mariam's debut was a hit. i got to see her and several others that i haven't heard of since clearance, after a year and some months! my, my. that is pretty long already. we also got to meet most mariam's family and just appreciate the togetherness we were enjoying that time. aside from the event itself, i remember the food! there were a lot of japanese dishes --- i honestly dunno what some of them are called --- but of course if there's an item i wouldn't miss it's the maki!! man, was i craving for maki.. jenny and malin and me got excited at the very sight of it on the buffet table! the crab allergy doesn't even prevent me from consuming those precious bits, good thing because they used artificial crab meat there! ok, i know i love to eat. but the debut's not all about food. what else? oh right! mariam's dress! it was really nice! she looked really nice! (hehe, words! pattern) i've never seen anyone wear something like that on her debut. it was very unique, and she did follow the fantasy theme (naturally, you can't expect the debutante to deviate from her own theme. another display of stupidity from yours truly.) the band was kinda cool, too. and mikhail (haha, mikhail), i can't believe he did not just one but two song numbers! the musicality awed us. ok, that's a bit exaggerated, i'll at least say we weren't expecting him to do so well on the being-in-tune part. however (there's always a need for a however), he sorta overdid the performance part. so he really didn't do any romacing-the-mic-on-the-mic-stand thing but the armworks, the facial expression, the body language --- those kinda freaked me out. i was afraid some of the audience would start hitting him with their knives which, fortunately didn't happen, instead they just started calling him john legend after his ordinary people number. then a little later he did his second song, i'm not sure but i guess that's when thea said we could pretend he's not really singing and we're not really hearing anything. haha. with that, it seemed like we celebrated mariam's as well as mikhail's debut, that is, as a singer.
* ** ***
i've been doing some thinking on the bi thingy and i've just realized, i'm no bi. nothing's wrong with being bi, in fact, i really do appreciate the uniqueness, flexibility and ingenuity of this gender role. it's just that, i don't think i've got enough material to be bi. i'm only 65% sure before, remember? and now i've gone down to 5%.. why? because i do like men more, a lot more. even if they can get a little scary. i remember telling malin i wanted a brit for a boyfriend. haha. this must be the effect of crying over if only (which happens to be a heartbreaking film (i swear it is! the way jennifer love hewitt cried, it just got me!)) and reading the shopaholic trilogy. but half-seriously speaking (or typing. whatever. so many things in parentheses.), i wonder where i can get one... *thinks really hard and wanders into illusions*
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right! the shopaholic trilogy! i started reading sunday night, credits to malin for lending me the copies (wow, you get mentioned a lot in my entries. you may try setting up counters!:D). i'm on the third book now, and... i see me. there's so much of me in becky bloomwood, or her in me, it doesn't really matter, and most of it's actually in the failure, out-of-control part. i'm no shopaholic, make no mistake, but i've got a lot of other addictions. take food, for example. it's almost impossible for me to say no to food, even if i'm really full, sometimes i just can't help it. and another thing, i also do say a lot of stupid things, and do a lot of stupid things. i'm so tactless. i'm so very careless. i get myself into a uber mess simply because i can't control my mouth or i do something really weird or both. like just a few hours back, over dinner, i asked my mum whether she wanted me to have her cremated. i know. it's totally dumb. she was waving cold fury at me which, i realized is quite the right reaction. she called the question (or me, can't really remember) disrespectful. well. she's more than right. it wasn't only disrespectful, it was, i was, outright rude. *sigh* from this comes another big time problem. no one takes me seriously. ok, a few maybe, but i would really have to show them i'm dead serious before they get the message. it's just horrible when nobody takes you as someone aside from a standing joke; and when i say horrible, i mean, horrible. (oh. and i think that's also the reason why i haven't got a lovelife. told you it's horrible.) another *sigh* sometimes i think i'm hopeless, and i just wish i'd grow out of my foolish acts, somewhat like becky. i totally look forward to that day when i can say, "i am a reformed person." wouldn't that be great? i could be ivy minus all the stupidity. maybe more people will take me seriously.
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right again! too much for lost appetite, eh? then i'll trail off.. tata!
logout;.
{/.11:58 PM}
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