i've just lost the appetite to do a decent entry. i mean, i have all the thoughts jumpin inside my head a few minutes back, as a matter of fact, i feel really excited to get them all here, but the nagging of my mum just irritated me so much. what's so wrong with resuming a job i've paused? and there's no point trying to explain things because she won't get it (she's not slow. she's only a little close-minded.). waaah. she can really drive me mad. i'll do what i can, though, to share what i've been doing over the past few days. here goes.

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mariam's debut was a hit. i got to see her and several others that i haven't heard of since clearance, after a year and some months! my, my. that is pretty long already. we also got to meet most mariam's family and just appreciate the togetherness we were enjoying that time. aside from the event itself, i remember the food! there were a lot of japanese dishes --- i honestly dunno what some of them are called --- but of course if there's an item i wouldn't miss it's the maki!! man, was i craving for maki.. jenny and malin and me got excited at the very sight of it on the buffet table! the crab allergy doesn't even prevent me from consuming those precious bits, good thing because they used artificial crab meat there! ok, i know i love to eat. but the debut's not all about food. what else? oh right! mariam's dress! it was really nice! she looked really nice! (hehe, words! pattern) i've never seen anyone wear something like that on her debut. it was very unique, and she did follow the fantasy theme (naturally, you can't expect the debutante to deviate from her own theme. another display of stupidity from yours truly.) the band was kinda cool, too. and mikhail (haha, mikhail), i can't believe he did not just one but two song numbers! the musicality awed us. ok, that's a bit exaggerated, i'll at least say we weren't expecting him to do so well on the being-in-tune part. however (there's always a need for a however), he sorta overdid the performance part. so he really didn't do any romacing-the-mic-on-the-mic-stand thing but the armworks, the facial expression, the body language --- those kinda freaked me out. i was afraid some of the audience would start hitting him with their knives which, fortunately didn't happen, instead they just started calling him john legend after his ordinary people number. then a little later he did his second song, i'm not sure but i guess that's when thea said we could pretend he's not really singing and we're not really hearing anything. haha. with that, it seemed like we celebrated mariam's as well as mikhail's debut, that is, as a singer.

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i've been doing some thinking on the bi thingy and i've just realized, i'm no bi. nothing's wrong with being bi, in fact, i really do appreciate the uniqueness, flexibility and ingenuity of this gender role. it's just that, i don't think i've got enough material to be bi. i'm only 65% sure before, remember? and now i've gone down to 5%.. why? because i do like men more, a lot more. even if they can get a little scary. i remember telling malin i wanted a brit for a boyfriend. haha. this must be the effect of crying over if only (which happens to be a heartbreaking film (i swear it is! the way jennifer love hewitt cried, it just got me!)) and reading the shopaholic trilogy. but half-seriously speaking (or typing. whatever. so many things in parentheses.), i wonder where i can get one... *thinks really hard and wanders into illusions*

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right! the shopaholic trilogy! i started reading sunday night, credits to malin for lending me the copies (wow, you get mentioned a lot in my entries. you may try setting up counters!:D). i'm on the third book now, and... i see me. there's so much of me in becky bloomwood, or her in me, it doesn't really matter, and most of it's actually in the failure, out-of-control part. i'm no shopaholic, make no mistake, but i've got a lot of other addictions. take food, for example. it's almost impossible for me to say no to food, even if i'm really full, sometimes i just can't help it. and another thing, i also do say a lot of stupid things, and do a lot of stupid things. i'm so tactless. i'm so very careless. i get myself into a uber mess simply because i can't control my mouth or i do something really weird or both. like just a few hours back, over dinner, i asked my mum whether she wanted me to have her cremated. i know. it's totally dumb. she was waving cold fury at me which, i realized is quite the right reaction. she called the question (or me, can't really remember) disrespectful. well. she's more than right. it wasn't only disrespectful, it was, i was, outright rude. *sigh* from this comes another big time problem. no one takes me seriously. ok, a few maybe, but i would really have to show them i'm dead serious before they get the message. it's just horrible when nobody takes you as someone aside from a standing joke; and when i say horrible, i mean, horrible. (oh. and i think that's also the reason why i haven't got a lovelife. told you it's horrible.) another *sigh* sometimes i think i'm hopeless, and i just wish i'd grow out of my foolish acts, somewhat like becky. i totally look forward to that day when i can say, "i am a reformed person." wouldn't that be great? i could be ivy minus all the stupidity. maybe more people will take me seriously.

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right again! too much for lost appetite, eh? then i'll trail off.. tata!