coz i, i know i can never be enough
to replace your whatever
now everything is silent
and everything is still without you near
-- neon, sponge cola
i've felt like that countless times over the past months. it scares me to know that i'm not enough, to feel that we're far from each other and i can't do anything to remind you of how we used to be. i thought these feelings, these thoughts would just get tired of themselves and go away. and they did. or so it seemed. but i'm afraid they're back again, and they've become worse.
is fate playing with us? i can't help but believe, and deep inside, hope, that someday the paths that branched at crossroads will meet again. i don't know what will happen. but i certainly know that i will bless that day. i want to have a conversation with you, talk about things we weren't able to reconcile before. i might've said i don't care what you think but i do. i'm just afraid of rejection. and now i know that wouldn't happen and i'll be strong enough even if it does, i guess i'll hear what you have to say. maybe we'll finish all this. maybe we'll start anew. i don't care. i just want you to be there, to talk to me and tell me, in all honesty, your thoughts, and if it's not too much, your plans.
i'm not ready for romance but i think i can handle a friendship.
* * *
by this time next week i'll be doing CWTS instead of sitting in front of the computer deducing where the mines are and expressing my thoughts. the 'dawning' of the school days just hover above me like looming doom.
niña is on the phone right now. i'm pissed with the CRS results. 12 units... 12 undersized units. niña's in the very same boat. how am i supposed to get a PE and my 2 other GEs. this sucks.
logout;.
{/.9:19 PM}
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