Pandemonium Stirs Within You: {c://.handsUP}

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The sound of the engine getting further away...
The feel of the hard passenger seat...
The heavy scent of cologne...
His warm body...
His cold fingertips...
His strong gaze...
His voice...
His sweet and low voice... calling my name.
Even without him... this city is still overflowing with people.
My days are busy.
Nothing will change.
All I did was lose a love...
I'm all right.
But... why do the lights look like they're in black-and-white?
Just because one person isn't here...
-Paradise Kiss, Ai Yazawa

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;niavi

YYYY

Reason For Being/ The Being

we die everyday
through the many grave things
the world subjects us to
yet we should rise and live again
through the same grave things --
these should bring out the light inside of us
if ever there is anything left
uncorrupted by the darkness

i doubt it. in the hearts of many i doubt if there is even enough cinder to kindle sparks. there's just too much suffering, i lose my mind thinking about it. i even end up crying, mourning in numbing silence. i grieve for everyone just like myself. i grieve for all the wrongs that happen to us. i grieve for all the injustices that we become victims of. i grieve for the miserable lives we lead. i am desperate for change. i long to find reason. but where do i look for it? i can wait no longer. too much time has passed, wasted on fruitless efforts to conquer the treacherous evil that lurks behind every mask of kindness.

or is there really reason? i'm afraid of dead ends. imagine all the painful struggles to find somewhere in time that these are worthless.

and you can't rely on anything or anyone else. it's just you. life, contrary to what others say, is a lone journey. nobody or nothing can stay with someone forever. that hurts.

now, with all these frustrations, how can i find hope? is there any left?

i used to be trapped in a paradigm power created about me. i used to believe all the lies that reach my ears. but i am lucky. i have escaped, free from the opium that was slowly nestling in my veins. that rotten thing called religion.

i threw the sham and vowed to start anew. i have been searching since then. i paid more attention to the world than ever before. i began observing details though it was a torment. and it was never easy to convince myself of which truth is true. i had to be careful. a little mistake can lead to a great disillusionment.

there is a god. simple, i know. this is what i found out. i do not know who or where this god is,but i know this god is real. maybe he/she holds the key to reason. i want to know more. i have to understand. i am confused but i doubt not this god's existence.he/she must manifest.

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