finally after weeks of imaginary strokes and paralysis I got busy with something. i woke up real late because we came home from bellevue around 12 or 1 in the morning and I felt like I was being emptied of all the energies stuck within me, which is something good to my way of thinking, because you don't have to do all sorts of stuff just to get a nice, heavy, tranquil sleep. or at least theoretically that's what you should get.
i told kilo the night before we should be at the mall as soon as it opens. i was in some kind of panicky state already. i haven't got a gift and a something to wear and the debut would be later in the afternoon. but all the same, we got to the mall around lunch time, some 2 hours after what we planned. everything went well after that, i guess. doing the shopping with kilo was real fun because i didn't feel any pressure. i mean, okay, so i'm in a rush but we were fine. we did good. there were snatches of laughter everywhere, even from the slightest, stupidest things that we could notice.
what i realized, though, no matter how relaxed i've been during the whole prep thing, is that i still have this dependence on my mum. i missed her so much when it came to deciding what outfit to buy. i needed her opinion badly. I, with kilo's advice, got to a good decision, no doubt, but all the time being i felt that must to know what mummy thinks. honestly, i don't know how i should feel about it. maybe i should be mad at myself because i still have that vulnerable spot in me. or maybe i should feel grateful that there are circumstances in my life that remind me of my limits and of the importance of other people.
and speaking of that importance, it was stressed even more, when kilo did my hair and make-up (haha, artista), i hitched a ride on hannah's new car, with tito drivin and tita chattin to us, and stacy told me it was okay to smile because i didn't have strips of meat stuck between my teeth. small things, but big reflections of how beautiful life can still be with friends around.
logout;.
{/.1:25 PM}
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