P.S.W.Y.

Moving out

2007-07-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

I am moving to Multiply because I'm having trouble with the template. I can't edit it. Not up to Blogger specs or something. I'm hoping I could still fix it. I dote this url. But good things do come to an end. Haha. Please see my Multiply account from now on.

my multiply

SEx with Anne and Vic | SSDD

2007-06-13T07:34:00.000+08:00

Yes, we ate at Sinangag Express. Haha. But before that we dropped by Vic's play to watch LADY IN THE WATER, and play bowling, tennis and boxing on Wii. No better way to spend your last thursday before another horrendous sem eats you.

* ** ***

First day back. Nothing much, really. Just...

-Met Tina at Metropolis terminal
-Went to PSYCH 101; thankfully, Nicey's my classmate again, found no one exceptionally prospective (di bale, there's still SOCIO 101)
-Had a letter printed, got org recognition forms from OSA
-Went to BA
-Learned that BA 115 is only offered during the first sem, thus, will be delayed 1 sem if I don't take it now
-Made pa-cute to Prof. Pineda to earn a slot in BA 115
-Attended BA 191, Prof. Manuel three times in a row, classmates are terminals; foresaw work overload
-Saw BestBlocA, love them all for the compliments, haha
-Saw Tyose, greeted her happy birthday
-Attended BA 198, old D2 buds are groupmates
-Informally oriented Icel, Lea, Charmo, and Niña
-Dragged Lea and Icel to orientation at the Tambayan
-Saw and chatted with GLC, Ate Amry, Jem, Mara, and Chey
-Gave Mara recog forms
-Left with Lea and Icel, went to AS
-Sat near the PDA Tambayan (which was unexpected for the most part)
-Got free ride with Tina from Anna to Ortigas
-Got free ride from MRT 'til Taft (as the ruddy guard answered when I politely asked her, "Independence kaya!")
-Got home unharassed

SSDD, right? Haven't been spent that much in ages.

This is one reason why I will always love my UP--- gets me down, pulls me high.

Wanted

2007-06-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

This morning, I got sexually harassed on the bus.

I was on my way to UPM to get my PI 100 classcard, and I was stuck in the middle of a 3-seater with the offender on my left. It's not like it's a first. I mean, I've been patted on the ass several times before. I passed those off as hazards of commuting, since I can't really avoid them happening given that there are regular perverts out there. But this morning was somewhat different. Those ass pats don't get anywhere else. It's like: you touch my ass, I give you an evil stare, you go away. But the nerve of this most recent pervert! First, he was shuddering from inexistent über airconditioning, and as a result of which he kept rubbing his right arm with his left hand that kept making contact with my left boob. I was alarmed of course so I sat a little straighter and turned my back on him. I feigned sleep so I wouldn't have to bother with him but here he was grasping my hand, and grasping tight at that! My heart was hammering against my chest and I my mantra was a mixture of prayer and curses. I glared at the guy, wrenched my hand from him, and asked him, "Ok lang po kayo?" Seeing that even if I left my seat, there was a fat chance that he would chase me and corner me eventually in the über crowded bus, I stayed put [which I now realize is a big mistake] and held my tongue. No sooner he has passed his phone, and in my attempt to give him another dirty look, I caught what he typed and accidentally read it. Pota, had I not been in the situation myself I would've laughed it off. Hi,i'm rey. wat's urs? POTA TALAGA. That was more than I could take. When the woman on my right got off, I inched away from him. I still couldn't get up since there was nowhere else to go, and I was silently hoping that he'd abandon whatever the hell he's trying to do with me and just sit put and kill himself. But he followed me just as I hoped he wouldn't and kept throwing me looks that disgusted me all the more. The next moment the bus had a breather, I jumped out of my seat and transfered to the by 2's near the driver. I was still cautious, I still feared he would follow. I always checked the rear view mirror just so I can prepare to get off at any sign of follow-ups. Thankfully, I was able to leave the bus without further scathing.

Well, the friggin morale of the story is, be on guard at all times. This friggin world is full of friggin perverts, and it'll take a lot of prayers before God rids the world of all of them. If ever you find yourself in a similar situation, don't hesitate to be violent or call people's attention. I was so scared I couldn't react as violently as I should have.

Dammit, I should get a boyfriend. Haha.

Craving

2007-05-18T12:34:00.000+08:00

I've just finished watching Hana Yori Dango on crunchyroll (which is so much better than youtube). Lance was asking if it was better than Meteor Garden. I really can't tell. I guess you really can't compare them because the original story is good, and the manipulations on the plot that they did to MG also took good turns and made the story good on a unique level. Haha. (That's a lot of good there..) I'm so happy I got to cry today. Credits to the soundtrack "The Flavor of Life" by Utada Hikaru that inspired the ambiance.

Speaking of cry, it almost made me cry when I got picked to become co-moderator of the NANA_TAKOYAKIs e-group. Out of the 20 applicants, I am one of the two chosen. Haha. Although, we're temps, we get to be permanent moderators if our probationary period goes well. Wish me luck! I hope to forever sign my posts there as:

-Ivy-
co-moderator @ .:[TAKOYAKIs]:.

Waaaaah!! Isn't that nice? Ok, enough of this.

Of The Last Two Days

2007-05-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

Today is election day. Two days ago, I sent an e-mail to people urging them to vote. I didn't get any reply but I certainly hope they got to read it and acted responsibly. Here goes:

8:29 am
12 May 2007

The Elections: A Call For Activism

Most of the time when I tell people that I am from UP, and more so from the main campus, I often get the follow-up question: Aktibista ka? Albeit my frequent replies of negation, I am aware that my real disposition is a yea and a nay. No, I may not be your activist who goes out into the streets and battles issues upfront with shouts and banners (that would definitely kill my parents) but yes, I am the activist who is aware of the issues and is willing to tackle these in less participative manners like signing manifestos. I know, that is not enough, my activism is at a minimal level. But wouldn’t you agree that we are at an opportune point in time when we can be activists, when we can take a part and be heard?

When I was in my sophomore year in college, I took a course in Sociology. It was nothing major, but it shed light on the various, relevant concerns of society today, among which, are government and representation. My professor believed in political activism more than she trusted representation. Representation, she said, has lost its luster because elected representatives do not truly embody the thrusts of the Filipino people. I agree with her, for if indeed, government holds true its purpose, graft and corruption, among others, would be out of the picture.

However, we should face the reality that this is our current system. I cannot imagine how a nation, archipelagic as we are, would be able to make every Filipino’s sentiment known but through honest representation. Let us not fall in fault of the hasty generalization that all politicians want to hold office with the objective of plundering the nation’s treasury. Let us get to know these people, and sort the public servants from the mere administration/opposition puppets. Sure, there are countless cases when those we trusted with our votes turned out to be nothing but bandits. But the right attitude is not to turn tail and leave everything to the cheating of crooks or to the vote of the miseducated populace with the mindset that our vote is nothing more than a single pixel in a large portrait. Can you imagine what will happen if all of us think that way, that is, give in to the interests of these crooks or remain indifferent? No wonder there will be large-scale election thievery! And the sad truth is that it will affect us all.

This coming Monday, I urge everyone to take time go to your respective precincts, vote for who you believe would make good future leaders, and take extra measures to preserve the sanctity of the ballot. Do not lose faith, and always remember that the fate of a nation is decided by the collective action of its citizens.

It is high time that we take responsibility. Do not fail to educate those who we are privileged to guide. Start with your own family and friends, and encourage them to do the same. Through the coming elections, let us prove that we are a wise and conscientious people.

Again, it’s scrutinize, vote, and guard.

Good day and Godspeed to everyone.

There! I know it's nothing much, but it left me feeling pretty good because it had me thinking that I did "my part." Haha.

* ** ***

Gain and Joyce are staying here for the vacation. I'm sorta the unofficial activity-thinker. I taught them chess, had them help me make fruit shakes, do household chores, am teaching them voice lesson... It's actually fun except that they get to my nerves sometimes.

* ** ***

We watched PBA yesterday up at the Araneta. Coke outscored Alaska in game 1, while Purefoods beat the Barangay in game 2. It was annoyingly crushing.., or crushingly annoying, whichever. Caguioa and Helterbrand are in the RP team so they were excused from the game. Menk wasn't there either. No idea why. Ronald Tubid definitely stepped up. He was last night's superstar. He got a loadful of help from the import (sorry, name slipped). They could've won, hadn't the referees been a bunch of biased idiots. First, they called a blocking foul instead of a charging one against Tubid when it was so obvious that the Purefoods player gave him an elbow down the rib. Then, the next moment, Tubid's brow was bleeding profusely, he was fuming mad and trying to calm down the bench, waiting for a foul to be called. But none was ever called. Isn't that just stupid? You're drenched in blood and sweat, and there's no foul! Lastly, and the most annoying thing of all, Tubid shot a 3-pointer that was nullified because he was called for an offensive foul. He was still in the air when his right leg jerked a forward reflex that was misjudged as a kick to the blocking opponent. Crap!!! James Yap also shoots that way! Why isn't an offensive called for every single time he did that?

The injustice sucks. (Add that to the unfortunate fat that I was sitting in the middle of the Purefoods crowd.) Purefoods was lucky the other three players weren't there. They would've been murdered.

loser

2007-03-24T03:44:00.000+08:00

i dunno how to start. it's just that i'm really hurting so much right now. i must be really evil.

the third accounting exam tomorrow made me think through a lot of things. instead of just letting it happen, here i am, crying over something i figured i'll be eternally powerless over. sorry to disappoint you nini, i am not the strong person i appear to be. i'm a lame, lousy, pretentious, crappy, clumsy, ambitious, below ordinary someone. and no, i don't think you'll still want to be my friend. i don't even want to be my friend at the moment.

i am so proud of hannah and toni. they're both graduating next year. hannah's running for cum or magna cum for comm arts. toni's been accepted for the pldt student camp, chosen among achievers of sorts. as their friend, the only emotions i should be feeling are pride and happiness in their behalf.

[ala home tv shopping when announcing "freebies:"] but wait! there's something more! since i'm this really ambitious person, i also get to envy them!

beneath the positive is the underlying thought that is eating at me -- that could've been me.

i hate even having to have thought that. i didn't intend to, but i can't help it.

it hurts to be slaving over a course that i don't even like one bit. it hurts that i will be slaving over that for a major portion of my existence. it hurts to think that i could've been doing something i enjoy, a work i can call my own and, for which i'll be acknowledged.

everywhere i look makes me more envious. thea slaving over plates is fine; she's getting nearer her goal. bebang slaving over whatever thesis is fine; the sanity-insanity swings of it keeps her high.

no malin, they would never a make tv series that features the drama behind accounting. there is no drama. or if there is, it's mainly the drama of frustration over the monotony.

i am working hard. i'm not slacking off. where are the rewards? my internship applications got snobbed. not a single company was interested. it was the very least that this world could give me to keep me believing that what i'm doing is not a waste of time.

puta, the prestige of being BAA? i'd give it up for anything that would give me a chance to succeed in the work where my heart is.

dammit. i hate being where i am now.

dies y nueve

2007-03-12T14:33:00.000+08:00

march 11, 2007.

i woke up at 12:10 am up to find pie, bry, nini, and ann singing happy birthday, holding a chocomallows cake from red ribbon (harhar, i know what you're thinking. very funny.) and waiting for me to gain full consciouness, make a wish, and blow the candle.

on the dawn of my nineteenth birthday, i was staying over at pie's residence in pampanga, devoting my time to the system we were developing (tomorrow's the launch by the way, and hopefully it'll be a blast). with the kind of people my teammates are, it's difficult not to expect some sort of surprise. hahaha. yeah, i was expecting it. i just didn't realize it would be so perfect. naks!

thanks to everyone who remembered. really. (and to everyone who were made to remember.)

to those who greeted me via globe, kim lost my sim so i didn't get your message. thanks though. you may greet me at my smart number. hahaha.

countdown

2007-02-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

* ** ***

We live we die, because you can’t save every soul.

-never let go, bryan adams [OST, the guardian]

soooo.

2007-02-12T08:20:00.000+08:00

She lived like she knew nothing lasts
Didn't care to look lika anyone else
And she was beautiful, so beautiful
I still hear her laugh like she's here

Shower it down on all the young
It isn't so wrong to have such fun

Forever angel
I hope they love you like we do
Forever angel
I'll be proud to be like you
Be like you
(I'll be proud to be like you)

Does the sun shine up at you when you're looking down
Do you get along with the others around

It's got to be better than before
You don't need to worry now you're gone

Forever angel
I hope they love you like we do
Forever angel
I'll be proud to be like you
Be like you
Just like you

And when I go to sleep at night
I'll thank you for each blessed thing surrounding me
For every fall I'll ever break
Each moment's breath I wanna taste
Confidence and conscience
Decadent extravagance
Never ending providence
For loving when I had the chance

Angel
I hope they love you like we do
Forever angel
I'll be proud to be like you
Forever angel
I'll be proud to be like you
Be like you
I'll be proud to be like you

-angel, the corrs

* ** ***

i watched talladega nights: the ballad of ricky bobby yesterday. there was this gay french character and he totally freaked me out. does french almost always go with gay? i sooo love french but there's been this mounting stereotype with gay. i'm uber bothered.

and speaking of gay, last saturday, rhett (thanks for greeting us :D) went on the air with the rest of his group, kilyawan (they said its the filipino term for oriole). why, oh, why did their first song have to be this guy's in love with you pare? crap. i kept thinking "backlobby!!!" the whole while they were singing the damned piece. hahaha. gb, blocmates, just plain gb.

the matriarch rests

2007-02-02T14:36:00.001+08:00

i noticed that i preferred the black from my wardrobe these past few days. i also noticed that i've been laughing pretty hard away from home, and crying pretty hard when i'm back in. there must be some degree of truth in the pamahiins.

tuesday evening, lola passed away. after 5 years of struggle with her dialysis treatment, she was finally granted rest by our Creator. it's not like we weren't expecting it; it's just whether we expected it or not, it will still feel unreal once it's real. i am happy that she's with God, but i'm also sad because we will all be missing her --- maybe so much, that sometimes it'll hurt.

the last time we talked she appeared healthier than usual. she could even walk and talk and laugh. she smiled patiently when i told her, "lola, bigyan mo pa ko ng dalawang taon. dadalhin kita sa disneyland." now she's gone, i guess we'll never be able to see mickey together.

i didn't cry when i heard. i couldn't. i was with mum, seeing to it that the logistics are done. i assisted in calling the funeral home, finding the necessary insurance certificates, heralding the news to other family members. when everything was fixed in manila, some 2 hours after lola's death, we arrived in batangas. she was done in the funeral parlor, made-up and clothed and all that. still, i didn't have the guts to look at her. i was scared that the way she looked in death would leave an ugly imprint in memory.

i want to remember lola as her lively self. i want to remember lola for the unconditional way she loved. i want to remember lola for her courage. i want to remember lola for the decisions she made and stood by. i want to remember her for all the good and trivial things that she was made of. but sometimes, it pains me when i think that merely remembering her is not enough because there is still so much to be done.

it felt weird to be returning to manila after 2 days of being with everyone (and by everyone i mean even up to the nth cousin). i felt like i should be with them until the storm blows past and they're well on their track again. (tsk tsk tsk. looks like i'll be inheriting the matriarch's throne after all. but i'm cool with that.) it's clearer than ever that next to God, family should be priority. heck, these are the people you share your life with whether you like it or not, and when tough times come, they'll be the only people you'll have on your side whether you're right or wrong.

* ** ***

after my graduation, i'll go to disneyland.

when that happens... look down, lola---

i'll smile back to the heavens, and you'll know that you'll always be a part of me.

i feel ugly

2007-01-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

hurting people always hurts me more. i don't know why. maybe that's just how i am.

i never wanted to trick anyone. i never meant to prolong the expectation and return nothing. i am so sorry. i know it's just not right.

maybe i'm taking this uber seriously, but even if most of my friends say that it's not even half serious, i still can't help feeling the guilt. it's just right there-- it left me cold and shivering after the conversation i wish we never had to have in the first place; it kept me awake the night after, thinking how cruel and cowardly i am.

crap.

i still can't get rid of the guilt.

* ** ***

i've always told her to break up with him.

i've always told her that he isn't worth her tears.

i've always told her there must be someone better out there.

she wouldn't listen.

i'll never understand how stupid you can be for the evil satisfaction of your heart.

* ** ***

sorry. i'm just being my fragile, useless self.

from the grave

2007-01-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

she was tired of the pain
and so she decided to seal her heart
in a wooden chest
she was crying
but then the tears stopped
when she took it out

her heart was nothing special
it could have been a frog's
or a a princess's
but it was dead now
it doesn't matter
to the chest it had to go
and so she locked the chest
and threw the key away

one can see
the bottom of the chest
turn scarlet
the blood dripping, seeping
tainting the brown with a crimson glow

she got up
dug a grave
and when her hands bled from hitting the stones
she stopped
got the chest
and dropped it unceremoniously
with a dull thud

the rain began to fall
the water enriched the luster
of the blood that now wet the soil
she sunk in the mud
and the mud she pushed back
to hide the grave she dug

when it was done
she walked away
nothing else to do
nothing more to say

but the dead heart
locked in the wooden chest
did not die at all
though pale, devoid of blood
it was beating, pulsating...

calling out
to the dead heart
locked away in his chest.

pier uno

2006-12-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

nope. it's not another name for the metro based bar/resto. it's a super duper cozy resort in anilao, batangas. the interiors reminded me of gayuma. great food, great accommodations, great view, great service, great everything. and all that at a cheap rate of php 1500 for two days and a night. wow. needless to say, i enjoyed my weekend [because i got to intro scuba dive 20 feet!].

the view

fixin mah fins

walkin into the water

done!

the instructed and the instructor

hold the cam still ma!

tabingosh.

great place for summer outing. anyone? :D

waaaaay back

2006-11-30T13:18:00.000+08:00

nostalgic. silly.

this morning pa, von and i cleared out the bodega. we took out the christmas decorations and all the other stuff gathering dust. i sorted through lots and lots of papers, deciding whether to approve their sale to the junkshop or to let them rot in the bodega some more.

in envelopes were my readings for kas, panpil, geog, econ, socsci. there were also blue book exams and econ exams which i opted not to look at for fear of disappointment. my notes in math 100 were intact, and they were in abundance. i never realized i was so eager to make them. hahaha.

there were ancient notebooks and books, too. my marketing notebook back in high school still had many unused pages. it was funny, because amidst those unused pages was thea's drawing of this creature [forgive me thea] and it had a speech balloon saying, "didi! wer r u? i'm hir! hir?! hir?!" could it have been dexter? i guess i'll never find out. hehehe.

on the last page of my health 4 notebook malin had written what notes sir habana must've asked us to copy. it was entitled: mga paraan ng pag-iwas sa kontaminasyon at pagkalason dulot ng pagkain. it was also her handwriting of my name on several of my fillers because i wasn't talented enough with a calligraphy pen. and there also was this vandalized image of gandhi on my social studies book courtesy of jenny. he wore hoops on his ears, had blue hair, red red cheeks and lips, and a heart tattoo on his neck. my assignment notebook had its pages divided into three columns: subject, instructions, status. one of my subjects was called stacy; instructions: call; status: done. my clearing up of stuff also led me to the discovery that my computer literacy IV notebook had nothing written on it. not a single speck on the pages. tsk tsk tsk.

i miss high school. the days aren't passing fast enough. i wish they'd hurry.

countdown to the hs reunion: 22 days

so far

2006-11-26T15:54:00.000+08:00

I am worth $2,191,670 on HumanForSale.com

it's weird. i was starting to panic because the only blog listed in my dashboard when i logged in was one that i abandoned eons ago. i couldn't locate this one, and niavi2. i came to the point when i was thinking of setting up a new one because i thought the google-merging totally erased the blogs registered originally with blogger. oh well. turns out they're just there after all. i dunno why they didn't show up earlier though. crap.

* ** ***

i thought i wanted this entry to be about boys and how they just come and go and are never good enough. then again it's too crappy a topic. scratched.

* ** ***

first sem. law, so-so. finance and accounting are grace. mgt sci and mgt, disappointing. GWA: 2.1136. i'm officially kicked out of the cum laude roster due to a 0.016949 margin. have to do better. [nyaaa, OC. haha.]

second sem: acctg cont., systems, law 2, fin 2, human behavior in organizations. good luck.

* ** ***

this morning von and i were dragged by pa to participate in his company's anniversary walk. wala naman. we marched from makati to mandaluyong. at the dansalan gym, we saw john prats and dominic ochoa and another artista guy. in fairness, they aren't too bad. haha. then i got to drive from macapagal. pwede. :D

* ** ***

yesterday, i watched the PANA marketing communications competition at mum's office. haha! 7 competing teams, UPD won! so far, the title has been in our hands for 3 consecutive years. hooray us!

critiques [i am evil for doing this, and some people may hate me forever, but what the hell, this is my opinion, these are my ratings anyway]:

1. UP Visayas - good enough. they danced. and sang. visayans are really performers. haha. i felt that they were the only formidable competition even if they did not do a little background to strengthen the bases of their presentation.

2. FEU - omaygaaad. this year's challenge was to market the philippines, i.e., propose a marketing plan to boost the country's tourism revenues. and again, omaygaaad. they used philippine education as one of the primary assaults... at kumusta naman?! gamitin bang background ang picture ng oblation?! it's one of the most boring of presentations and my blocmates and i were almost panicky, since the oblation bground might make people think this team was from our school. for the third time, omaygaaad.

3. UPD - :D

4. DLSD -

niavi: tyose! [beso] have to see mum on the 26th floor. wanna come?
tyose: sure!

upon our return...

niavi[scandalized]: anong ginagawa nila?!
tyose: nagrereport.

5. Assumption - used romance and adventure as forefront. the adventure ads were good. however, nagmukhang prostitution plugs yung sa romance.

6. ADMU - mukhang impromptu. the koreanovela in philippine setting is original. sand and sea on a building rooftop somewhere in tokyo is obviously not feasible though. when the participating teams were introduced...

niavi: sabi ko na nga ba ADMU yung mga nakawhite eh.
ash: oo, yung nagvariety show.

7. College of the...i forgot -

niavi: tara, washroom tayo.
tyose: tara.

* ** ***

erm..., i haffanucrush. hahaha! call me and i'll tell you about it. hahaha!

mother

2006-11-21T11:06:00.000+08:00

do you know what my greatest ambition is? if you're my friend you'll probably be guessing with the likes of becoming a movie star, the president of the republic, someone rich and famous. yeah, well. i do like being flashy, that much i admit. i do like being given attention. i do like being regarded as a VIP. but what i want doesn't exactly come in those forms.

corny as it may sound, my greatest ambition is to become a mother. ever since i was a kid i've always had these 'mother issues.' i remember one time, during one of those Christmas vacations, when we commuted to ma's office, which was then located in makati. although i can't recall the reason, i was cold to her; probably i got all hurt by something petty. we were walking along this stretch of a pavement, and we had to cross to the other side of the street. the instant she took my hand in hers, i felt like crying. i don't know how else to say it, but at that moment, the warmth that she held me with consumed me. it's my best Christmas memory to date.

my relationship with my mom is... damn, i don't even know how to describe it. there are times when we're fine, times when we are so not fine. there are times when i feel that i don't matter to her, but then again, maybe it's just me. after all, she has gone through a lot just to get me where i am now. i just feel that no matter how close i want to be to her, she'll always be distant. i envy people like denise, and rhema, because they can talk to their mothers about stuff. i can only talk to my mom on earth terms, i.e. grades, salon/spa/gym/shopping, future career plans.

i do believe my mom loves me. it's just that she loves me from a distance. and i love her as well, from that same distance. what can i do? i got used to it. even if i wanted to tell her, it would be somewhat gross. saying 'i love you' to the people who matter to you is not as easy as it sounds, especially if you'd be treated as someone psycho after you do so. but seriously, i do love her. during my neophyte days, she was confined because she just had a cyst removed. i was halfway being accepted in the Sorority, when the then GLC asked me what could make me quit. it was the first time i cried (because i never cried through all the tests they put me through before then). i answered, "kapag sinabi po ni ma na magquit ako, magkiquit ako." it took a great deal of resolve from me. my desire to get into the Sorority was never challenged by anything, by anyone, not even by papa, to whom i felt closer to. at that moment i realized just how much i love ma, and how i would give anything just to please her.

human beings commonly seek approval from fellow human beings. i may act all tough, sport the i-dont-care-what-the-hell-you-think-about-me attitude but there will always be a part of me who wants to feel acceptance and appreciation. if you feel a certain way towards me, i want to know. tell me, "you did great!" or "nice job!" not "matutuwa si papa mo."

after this uber long yadda, you probably know why my greatest ambition is to become a mother. it's because i want to become the mother i wish mine was.

you don't want to know

2006-10-31T07:50:00.000+08:00

upon opening my dashboard i was sooo bent on making a decent entry; after all, it's been several days since my last inofficial day of being a student. but then i see this draft i made last oct 10 still sitting on my entry list and curious as to what it's all about, i read it. and then i lost all enthusiasm to make an entry that made sense. i think i shan't 'til i have the guts to post that previous one. but right at the moment, i feel that you wouldn't want to know what that is all about because i have the feeling that i don't want you to know.

i'm not making any sense, am i? waha. never mind.

beer

2006-10-11T09:23:00.000+08:00

Nais kong magpakalasing
Dahil wala ka na
nakatingin sa salamin
At nag-iisa
Nakatanim pa rin

Ang gumamelang
Binalik mo sa`kin nang tayo`y maghiwalay
Ito`y katulad
Ng damdamin ko
Kahit buhusan mo ng beer ayaw pang mamatay

Giliw, wag mo sanang limutin
Ang mga araw na hindi sana maglaho
Mga anak at bahay nating pinaplano
Lahat ng ito`y nawala
Nung iniwan mo ako kaya ngayon

Ibuhos na ang beer
Sa aking lalamunan
Upang malunod na ang
Puso kong nahihirapan
Bawat patak anong sarap

Ano ba talagang mas gusto ko
Ang beer na ito
O ang pag-ibig mo

Nais kong magpakasabog
Dahil olats ako
Kahit ano hihithitin
Kahit tambutso
Kukuha ako ng
Beer at ipapakulo
Sa kaldero't lalanghapin
Ang usok nito
lahat ay aking gagawin
Upang hindi ko na isiping
Nag-iisa na ako

if there's one reason why i still want to be in BAA, it's because i wanna spend the rest of my semesters with these people. [be touched. be very touched.]

brychalou

Gloomy Sunday

2006-10-09T11:59:00.000+08:00

Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the dark coach of sorrow has taken you
Sunday is gloomy on shadows, I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are sad I know
Let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you

Gloomy Sunday
Death is no dream for in death I'm carressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Gloomy Sunday

-- Gloomy Sunday, Christian Death (Valor)

Try downloading this song. Or just contact me if you want me to send you the file. It's uberly nice, something you'd like the people to play while they march to your funeral. Haha.

nana 2

2006-10-05T10:48:00.000+08:00

my gaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!

sorry, just got pretty excited. i just saw the link of nana 2 presscon pictures! teehee! anyway, they changed the guy who's playing shin, changed hachi, and ren. i like the new guy playing shin because he's younger, that brings the character closer to the manga counterpart. hachi and ren, i don't know. the ones who did 'em in nana 1 just sorta grew on me already.

oh well.

i think i'm in love with nobu. wahahaha. and takumi IS hot.

see for yourself.

reboot

2006-10-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am home again
whenever i'm alone with you
you make me feel like i am whole again

however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you

--- love song, 311

i'm feeling a whole lot better. the longest five days of my life, disconnected from the world [no electricity thus, no mobile phone, no internet, almost no friends with working phone lines] was the break i was asking for. it gave me time to think, let alone rest, and clear my head.

i've decided to go through with it. yes, head on with the battle with only faith and hard work as ammo.

i've been wanting to say this, and i think now's the right time: i'm back baby.

meoww

2006-09-27T14:30:00.000+08:00

Take the quiz!

To The Family I Thought I Had

2006-09-20T09:36:00.000+08:00

But I'm missing you
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger, ah
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to let it linger

-- Linger, The Cranberries

Yes, all of you. Read this. You've all been doing a really wonderful stint of making me feel miserable.

Why do you keep hurting me? I am giving what I can. I am trying to be with you. But you keep pushing me away. YOU HAVE BECOME SO SORE. You are giving me so many reasons to quit. You are making me hate you. I hope you know that I don't want to. I hope you know that that would be a really hard decision because I am in love with you, and I feel that I belong to you. I don't even want to choose. But you are hurting me far too much. You must not really love me. To you, I'm just another person you can bully around. Well, thanks for ruining me. Great job.

How much more stupid can you get? You see everyone's mistakes, you torture everyone to no end yet you fail to see your own flaws. You think you're cool? Think again. I just really have this strong impression that you stink. And don't you even dare to put the immediates in reference. You are so far from them. They would have inspired me better. I know they love you more than they love me, and they prolly will be on your side on this matter. But hell, they would've cared to listen. They would've cared to hear everything. They would've cared to see what's beneath everything.

You have no fucking idea what I'm going through so you have no fucking right to put every possible blame on me. Know what? I am so much more hardcore than you. I know my values and I stick to them. Forgive me for not bending and choosing to blend into your culture. FORGIVE ME FOR LOVING MY PARENTS MORE THAN I COULD EVER LOVE YOU AND BENDING TO THEIR WILL BECAUSE OF THAT LOVE. At the very least I know that they love me back, and no matter what I do they'll still take me in. I just can't afford to keep hurting them because my family is life to me. Thanks for making me realize that.

Damn.

If anything at all, right now, I wanna break loose. I gotta breathe. Everything's just too much at the moment.

talisod king

2006-08-31T09:05:00.000+08:00

last night i was dying. i couldn't stop myself from thinking about what i saw. i can go as far as to say that it haunted me and kept me from serene slumber.

eh pano ba naman kasi! hindi ko mawari kung bakit tatalisurin mo yung sarili mo on cue pa! wahahahaha! hanggang mag-isa na lang ako naglalakad pauwi pinipigil ko pa rin yung pagtawa ko. hanggang ngayong tinatayp ko 'to naiisip ko pa rin. at tumatawa pa rin ako. bwahahahahaha! mamamatay na 'ko kakatawa.

Mr. Secretary

2006-08-30T04:33:00.000+08:00

Gonzalez: UP breeds destabilizers, naked runners
By Armand Nocum
Inquirer
Last updated 02:25am (Mla time) 08/27/2006

Published on page A5 of the August 27, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

THIS time Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has picked on the University of the Philippines school system, saying it mainly produces militant protesters and fraternity men and women who run around the campus naked.

“That school breeds the destabilizers that haunt the country year after year. They are acting as if they are the only ones who know how to run the country,” Gonzalez told the Inquirer yesterday.

He made it clear, however, that he was not assailing the entire university population because “there are many students there who are bright and good.”

Interviewed by phone while he was with President Macapagal-Arroyo in Guimaras, Gonzalez pointed to the Oblation run of the APO fraternity as another indication of the kind of students that came from UP.

“I doff my hat to them because they initiate the running of naked people... That’s also one kind of culture that they develop there,” he said, noting that women had begun to join the naked run as well which is held in December.

“Maybe we are going in that direction... there are now women running naked. I will not be surprised if they will go to school with only their books, nothing more,” he said.

Gonzalez made the statements while lamenting that UP was the site of numerous protest rallies and symposia calling for the resignation of President Arroyo.

“In every storm that takes place, UP students are in the forefront,” he said. “As a matter of fact, our history will show that since the martial law years, students from UP were the ones who went underground and fought the government. In fact, many of them went to China and never came back.”

Bomb-making in labs

Gonzalez said he came to see the militant activism of UP students first-hand during the First Quarter Storm of 1970 when then Sen. Genaro Magsaysay formed a panel to look into the violent protests there and he saw pillbox bombs being assembled in the school laboratories.

He said this was not the way the students should repay the government for giving them a world-class education.

“They should consider the fact that the state is the one paying for their schooling. Why fight the state? Why try to bring it down. I think some degree of gratitude should be there also,” he said.

He noted that UP had always been known as a “cradle of leadership” but he was worried that with the way some students there were acting, some serious questions would be raised about the “kind of leaders we will have in the future.”

But he said he was “not degrading UP per se,” but was only questioning the kind of students that came from it.

‘I am well-behaved’

He said the matter of the high “tolerance to education freedom” should be raised to UP officials and teachers during the annual budget hearing for the school.

Asked what school he graduated from, Gonzalez replied: “University of Sto. Tomas... that’s why I am well-behaved.”

Gonzalez is known for speaking his mind on most issues and creating controversy.

Earlier, when he was asked if he was going to arrest the widow of the late presidential candidate Fernando Poe Jr. for inciting to sedition when she spoke out against President Arroyo, he said she was too pretty to be arrested.

Another time when it was revealed that he was undergoing dialysis for kidney stones, he said that was not what made him launch verbal tirades against critics of Ms Arroyo.

“What does [having the] balls [to say things] got to do with that?” he said when he was asked if the painful passing of stones in his urine was the reason he was grouchy to critics and media people.

* ** ***

MY REPLY:

First of all, the Oblation Run was NEVER intended for malice. Attention, yes. As a true blooded UP student and Alpha Phi Omegan, I firmly believe that the Oblation Run is a premier venue of making our voices heard. It has proved to be so over the years. Who then, in the name of heaven, do you think you are Mr. Secretary, saying all these things as if you are the proponent of all that is good, and moral, and righteous? You do not know the UP culture as we UP students know it. You do not experience it as we do. My sympathies to you, because you are not bright enough to have qualified for the world class education that we are blessed with, thanks to the Filipino citizens. And since your poor thinking capacity has not permitted you to see that it is the Filipino nation whom we UP students should thank, I shall explain to you why. The money used to subsidize our tuition fees are not contributions/donations of the government. These are taxes from our people. You in the government do not own that. It is the thrust of the Filipino people that the youth be educated, the thrust that the youth be equipped with the vital wisdom, knowledge, idealism and patriotism. This education is not a privilege of the few like you who can afford it. It is our RIGHT. And as far as we are concerned, we are doing well in exercising this right, and manifesting its fruits.

Women running naked? APO? Positively negative. Goddesses never run naked in the land of mortals.

Worried what kind of leaders we'll have in the future? GOOD leaders. Not the kind we have now. Not the likes of you.

Don't say you are not degrading UP per se because you are. Eh sino bang tinitira mo? Di ba kaming mga estudyante? Know for a fact that the UP community is largely made up by its students. If there were no students, there would be no institution. Thus, it follows that when you insult the students, you insult the university.

Yes, you are so well-behaved, just like a well-trained dog --- a dog of the Arroyo government that growls and barks at the critics of its saddist mistress. I pity you that you content yourself with the pathetic state your mistress runs this nation. I pity you that you did not uphold justice when you agreed in silence that the education budget, which should be treated as the most important investment of this country, be cut just to service the debts that have gone to the bellies of the government's pigs. I pity that you cannot keep your mouth shut, and that you exhale toxicity everytime you open it. I pity you and your lamentations that further proved the demented condition of your soul.

My final word, a totally sound advise that may just save your life: SHUT UP.

* ** ***

will post pictures as soon as i grab 'em.

drama queen pala ha

2006-08-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

artista ako.

don't take everything i say and do too seriously because that may not be the real thing. i'm not saying that most of the time this person i am showing you is not the real me; all i'm saying is i am prone to do and say things that are far from the truth to protect myself, other people involved or the situation. i need peace. i need the status quo.

so don't tell me i sound like a drama queen. you're the one who wants to die because chris tiu is sooo damn hot.

wings at 1 am

2006-08-22T00:51:00.000+08:00

it's 1a again. not that i don't know it happens everyday. it's just that i'm almost always still conscious when it happens. ha. what do i get from this anyway? my eyes are so tired already (i hate my monitor, it's in yellowish shade) and all i want is sleep and love.

never mind. i'll shut the nonsense. well, here's something that i think makes sense. hehe. a chat with nica.

badongbadaf: nica! may pakpak ako!

acinad_eiram: san?

acinad_eiram: di ko makita!?!

badongbadaf: eh!

badongbadaf: meron yan!

acinad_eiram: ayan kita ko na!

badongbadaf: ganda nu!!! ^^

acinad_eiram: oo

acinad_eiram: teka bakit ganyan buhok niyan? sumabit ba sa kawad ng kuryente?

badongbadaf: anyabang mu nman.. huhuhuhuhuhuh

acinad_eiram: joke lang!

badongbadaf: hihi!

badongbadaf: haaaaaay

badongbadaf: hassle mabuhay!

acinad_eiram: oo nga...

acinad_eiram: hay life is absurd...

badongbadaf: pero mas hassle mamatay!

acinad_eiram: di naman

acinad_eiram: di ba pag namatay ka un na ung moment mo talga.

acinad_eiram: sarili mo lang ang iisipin mo...

acinad_eiram: wala na ang iba...

badongbadaf: kaya nga hassle eh

badongbadaf: kasi kelangan mo pa isipin lahat ng nangyare sa buhay mo

acinad_eiram: hehe

badongbadaf: nicaaaaa

badongbadaf: ang hassle talaga mamatay!

acinad_eiram: hehe wait may kukunin ako

badongbadaf: sige lang

badongbadaf: di naman kita kaya pigilan eh

acinad_eiram: "my death is my most authentic, significant moment, my personal potentiality..."

acinad_eiram: o ayan! hindi hassle ang death

badongbadaf: wow!

badongbadaf: anlalim naman nun!

badongbadaf: san mo naman hinukay yan?

acinad_eiram: kay ninunong Heidegger

TRIVIA! Martin Heidegger (September 26, 1889 – May 26, 1976), German philosopher, attempted to reorient Western philosophy away from metaphysical and epistemological and toward ontological questions, that is, questions concerning the meaning of being, or what it means "to be". Heidegger also challenged the idea of phenomenology as defined by his teacher Edmund Husserl and is regarded as a major influence on existentialism, deconstruction, hermeneutics and postmodernism. The scope of Heidegger's work informed and influenced many other thinkers such as Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Jean-Paul Sartre, Jacques Derrida, Michel Foucault, Jean-Luc Nancy, and Philippe Lacoue-Labarthe.

* ** ***

acute angle-closure glaucoma (AACG) is characterized by an acute rise in the intraocular pressure. This occurs in susceptible eyes when the pupil dilates and blocks the flow of fluid through it, leading to the peripheral iris blocking the trabecular meshwork. Acute angle-closure glaucoma can cause pain and reduced visual acuity (blurred vision), and may lead to irreversible visual loss within a short time. This is an ocular emergency requiring immediate treatment. Many people with glaucoma experience halos around bright lights as well as the loss of sight characterized by the disease.

save me

2006-08-18T05:48:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to say. this is the first time i'm creating a blog entry with nothing really specific coming to mind. i wanna rant about so many things i don't know what to say first.

okay. so let's just start it off with what i'm doing right now. i'm bumming about. i'm taking a little time off the hectic schedule i'm drowning in. it's 549a, the rest of the household will be leaving in more or less ten minutes. i shall be waiting here till i get the groove to go to school since my classes start 10a. i'm listening to jewel crooning 'break me' and i'm hibernating to the sentimental core of me.

what am i feeling right now? i'm exhausted beyond exhaustion, scared, lonely, hopeful, needful of a savior. i just want to cry. i believe it's the best way to let out all the stress. someone help me cry. damn. i'm so dependent. i can't even cry on my own. someone save me. someone save me from myself.

i have to get a grip on myself even if, at the time being, i'm immersed in a delusional state and am satisfied with the quasi-peace i'm getting from it. there are so many things that i have to do. i'm not even going to complain about them. it's just that i really need someone, something that i could hold on to. anyone or anything to believe in just so i could walk on and do what i'm being held responsible for.

* ** ***

you could hurt me using the sharp edge of what you say.

- break me, jewel

please don't call me insensitive. please don't do that. please don't do that ever again.

* ** ***

kudos to jem for a successful acle! i love you inaanak!

kudos to team k for completing the first task of the internship! 3 more to go!

kudos to rizza for coming in late and with the oblicon girls! pa-autograph!

...

kudos to me for being conceited. kudos to me for being irresponsible. kudos to me for being overly lackadaisical. kudos to me for being sick. kudos to me for thinking too much it hurts.

kudos to me for being so guilty i can't even look you in the eye. what do i do about you? you torment me.

dispel

2006-08-15T03:43:00.000+08:00

in naruto, when shinobi find themselves trapped in illusion jutsus, they simply make a hand seal and do dispel. i wish it were applicable in real life. this illusion i'm caught in is somewhat fatal. what do i do to dispel it?

* ** ***

speaking of naruto, this was an extra in one of the latest chapters. so kawaii!!

credits to the scanlator

where is gone

2006-08-07T07:24:00.000+08:00

SUN IN PISCES

You are the most sympathetic and self-sacrificing of souls. You have a good imagination and good receptivity to others. You have a poetic otherworldliness which can come out in some creative or idealistic channel. You have a deep, emotional understanding of others and a real will to serve. You need to be careful that you aren't so suggestible that you fall into self-pitying and avoidance behavior. Try to develop concentration and discipline without losing your easygoing demeanor. Once you are determined to reach a goal, your faith in life, the universe and yourself can give you the strength of character to renounce anything that gets in the way.

* ** ***

kumusta naman? i failed two of my exams, accounting and finance. swabe. i was depressed the whole week, no, up to now i'm still depressed. i can't freakin understand why and how that happened. i just can't. i doubted myself. i'm doubting myself.

but thanks to my seniors and my chancellors, Ate Ice most importantly, for reminding me that i would never be delegated responsibility if they didn't trust me. that's the one thing i needed. trust. trust me and believe in me. as long as there are people who do that for me, i guess i'll never quit.

* ** ***

3 sleep-deprived days.

friday, i finished the freakin report. how did the report go? i came late, good thing i wasn't supposed to discuss anything on the face. i did the Q & A part, which went quite well... until somebody asked a quessie i didn't understand but answered vaguely nonetheless despite my nervous stuttering. i hope it wasn't that obvious.

saturday, first day of the UPCAT. the service was really good. i was assigned at the vanguard station together with brods oz, dino, capa, and lance. everything went so well. i had fun. i really did.

sunday, last day of the UPCAT. i was reassigned to nismed. i wanted to go back to vanguard but orders are orders. nismed was also fun. when i got there, the team was already complete. there was Ate Carol, brods jay, mike, rom, carlo and benj. when ate carol left after the peak hours, we played a game of pusoy dos. i was on a winning streak. but damn, a twist of fate and i lost thrice in a row. that translated to six glasses of water. i downed 3, good thing rom helped me out with the other half.

* ** ***

thank you tina. let's talk some more. i'm just really happy you're there.

* ** ***

I dream a world where you understand

I dream a million sleepless nights

I dream of fire when you're touching my hand

But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights

I'm speechless and faded

It's too complicated

Is this how the book ends?

Nothing but good friends?

'Cause you don't see me

And you don't need me

And you don't love me

The way I wish you would

-- you don't see me, josie and the pussycats

there's pain when i think of you. there's pain when i see your name. i hate the way you made me then broke me. i guess i'll forever be this naive, dreamy girl. it's stupid how i always fall for stupid tricks.

script + exam

2006-07-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

i just read a message from the d2 e-group, 20 questions. wow. what beauty. it's what i wanna do after penguin. i so wanna act out the femme part.

read the script

* ** ***

freakin 141 exam. urgh. i hope i get at least 70% or i am doomed.

dead man's chest

2006-07-25T12:23:00.000+08:00

i watched pirates with the familia last sunday at mall of asia. wala lang. i just find it weird because it was the first conscious time i actually dragged people to watch the first ever scheduled showing for the day. there were only like 3, 4 groups inside the cinema and it was sooo very cold i found it hard to concentrate on the film. never mind that though, the film proved to be tougher than the cold.

the flick got me laughing for a whole two hours, what with the fruits barbecue, maliki liki, the catchy lines, and the great stunts. damn. and johnny depp ~ gay and drunk. the character of captain jack sparrow seems to be getting more and more eccentric. and i'm getting more and more in love with him.

on a serious note though, after everything, it appears that only one person is worthy of being called heroic --- will turner. will exudes nothing but this purely noble and honest and patient and loving facet. meanwhile, both elizabeth swann and jack show this selfish side to them, and it's something really painful for me to take since i kinda like their triumvirate thinking that it's bound by pure friendship. it's stupid that jack could easily seduce people. it's stupid that he even seduced liz. plus, maybe i'm wrong in passing this judgment, but i think liz's in fault, too since she finds she has feelings for the captain [i mean, what the hell. who doesn't? but still.] and her way of clearing her conscience is having jack taken by the great beastie.

*sigh*

but it's a wonderful movie nonetheless.

i want that voodoo doll.

the following lines are those i loved most from the flick:

Jack: William... I shall trade you the compass, if you will help me... [takes the drawing of a key out of his pocket] to find this.

Will: You want me to find this. [indicates the key on the drawing]

Jack: No. You want you to find this. Because the finding of this, finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle ol' what's her face. Savvy?

Jack: [steps onto the landing] No worries, mates. Tia Dalma and I go way back. Thick as thieves. Nigh inseparable we are. Were. Have been. Before.

Gibbs: I'll watch your back.

Jack: It's me front I'm worried about.

Gibbs: [to Will] Mind the boat.

Will: [to Ragetti] Mind the boat.

Ragetti: [to Pintel] Mind the boat.

Pintel: [to Marty] Mind the boat.

Marty: [to Cotton and his parrot] Mind the boat.

Parrot: [to Cotton] Mind the boat. [and flies off]

*

Tia Dalma: You know of Davey Jones, yes? [the crew nods] A man of the sea. A great sailor. Until he run afoul of that which vex all men. [Jack pockets something while no one's looking]

Will: What vexes all men?

Tia Dalma: [she teasingly touches Will's hand] What indeed.

Gibbs: The sea?

Pintel: Sums.

Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil. [Gibbs and Pintel give him a look]

Elizabeth: Honor and decency and a moral center. That's not -- (??)

Jack: Trifles. You will come over to my side, I know it.

Elizabeth: You seem very certain.

Jack: One word, love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day... you won't be able to resist.

Elizabeth: Why doesn't your compass work?

Jack: My compass works fine.

Elizabeth: Because you and I are alike. And there will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing.

Jack: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Elizabeth: You'll have the chance to do something... something courageous. And when you, you'll discover something. That you're a good man.

Jack: All evidence to the contrary.

Elizabeth: [laughs] No, I have faith in you. You want to know why?

Jack: Do tell, dearie.

Elizabeth: [leans in close with each sentence] Curiosity. You're going to want it - a chance to be admired - and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like.

Jack: I do want to know what it tastes like.

Elizabeth: [Jack caresses her cheek] But seeing as you're a good man, I know that you'd never put me in a position that would compromise my honor. [Jack is ready to kiss her when he sees the black mark return to the palm of his hand and snatches his hand away] I'm proud of you, Jack.

Norrington: [Jack is disarmed; to Will] Do excuse me while I kill the man who ruined my life.

Will: Be my guest.

Jack: Let us examine that claim for a moment, former Commodore, shall we? Who was it that at the very moment you had a notorious pirate safely behind bars saw fit to free the said pirate and take your dearly beloved all to hisself... aye? So whose fault is it really that you've ended up a rum-pot deckhand what takes orders from pirates?

Jack: [pushes Gibbs out of the way] I'll handle this, mate. Oi, fish face! [holds up his jar of dirt] Lose something, aye? -- ?? [loses footing and falls a short way down the stairs with his dirt; the whole crew 'ooh's' and cringes in sympathy at his fall; holds up the jar again] Got it! Come to negotiate, eh, have you, you slimy git. Look what I got. [in a sing song voice] I've got a jar of di-irt, I've got a jar of di-irt, and guess what's inside it?

Gibbs: [to Will] There's only half a dozen kegs of powder.

Will: Then load the rum! [everyone get very quiet and stares at Will]

------

the script

the tube

2006-07-20T20:38:00.000+08:00

www.youtube.com is a wonderful creation! wahahah! i've known of its existence for a while now but i didn't really expect such goodies! imagine! parakiss anime episodes! naruto episodes [193's uploaded, 194's the latest release... not bad~]! my girl episodes! they even have meteor garden! what more can i ask for? [oh, they don't have pirates. *sigh*] they don't even eat up my disk space because i could just watch 'em without downloading. and since i'm on rather fast connection, i don't wait much. what luck! what bliss! wehehehe!

oh. i've watched nana the movie... it's sooo wonderful! i'm sooo in love with both nanas. ~~and i think i'm a step from obsession with mika nakashima.~~ i've been singing the ost, glamorous sky, mika's version. i even dled the mp3. what a shame there's this ripway error. damn. i wanted to make it my bground sound.

[solemn pause. *wonders when ai yazawa would release chapter 60*]

be patient with this girl. she's just enjoying herself. after all, she deserves a treat because she got through that first accounting exam. :D

* ** ***

i didn't go to school today. aside from the fact that i had only one class and it's the 530-7, i also wasn't feeling very well. c'mon. i needed sleep. and i'm having tummy aches again.

i'm so sorry GLC! i really wanted to be with you. i miss you!

so sorry finance groupmates! i know i set that case discussion.. but i did upload my case draft in our e-group.

* ** ***

at the back of our car is attached a sign that reads, "CAUTION: Student Driver". creepy. tomorrow's the day, right? edsa, meet your worst nightmare -- me!

*evil laugh*

niavi, 2nd personality: oooohhh! she's been possessed by the demon king!

mvp cup 2

2006-07-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

last sunday, i with the familia, went to the araneta coliseum to watch the last three games of the mvp cup 2. [yeah, celebrating hannah's birthday! now you know i'm actually a busy person. hehe.] the first match was the mixed doubles, asia represented by siblings kennie and kennevic asuncion against, erm, the european representatives. [so sorry, can't remember their names. didn't mean to be rude.] although they lost, it was still a heck of a game. and you'd have to lose sometimes, right? guess that was just that.

next thing was the women's singles. i didn't enjoy it much. the players were good, as expected. asian representative is world's rank 2 [now it's evident that i'm sooo not good with names and i'm sooo not hyped to look 'em up, at least at the mo], i think she's chinese.. or taiwanese.. or something.. weird thing is, even the european representative had asian blood. yao.. ms. yao.. there. of course i was biased towards asia, and i thought she was really gonna win, with the credentials and all that shat. but the losing streak went on -- europe won again.

the last match was the one i really fell for. it was the best match of the whole cup [oryt, maybe not the whole cup since i watched only 3 games out of 9, but for that day at least it was]. wahahahahaha! johansen [not sure bout the spelling] vs. lin dan! lin dan ranked 4th the world over, while johansen had a string of won conquests tied to his name. i swear those two are not human! i don't even see them moving their rackets and yet the feather flies from one side to the other then back again. [thank you for bearing with the exaggeration] but really... dan is uber cool. johansen lost his temper when he sorta slipped and failed to return the bird to dan. then he started protesting bout the mats being sabotaged or something. he got warnings for misconduct. all the while, dan just waited patiently, pacing innocently about his side of the net for the fired up european to quit ranting. dan won the first set, johansen got the second but alas, dan kicked ass by bagging the match with an uberly exciting third set! whew.

lin dan is the man!

yours truly would like to apologize if this entry is just a thoughtless waste of words. she hasn't slept for the past 25 hours now, and her brain isn't quite in the right state.

that's that!

now for some winks... i'm sooo gone.

114.1

2006-07-19T06:12:00.000+08:00

first accounting exam... charge~!

erm, here goes nothing.

The Masochist

2006-07-15T18:01:00.000+08:00

That's exactly how it used to be for us, wouldn't you agree? At first I couldn't understand why I became so attached to the story but now that I've gotten out for a better view, I think it's because it made me realize what we were and what I really felt about you.

You were the strong, independent type who knew what she wanted and I was the weak, naive character who always relied on you, depended on you to take care of me. We were Nana and Hachi, you and me. I felt betrayed by you, the same way I felt betrayed when I was deserted by my closest friend back before I met you. I felt that you never really cared about me, that this friendship never meant anything to you since you were able to forget so easily. My self-esteem sank and I started thinking that I would never be able to satisfy you, that my weakness and stupidity are annoying. Is that how you really feel about me? Someone who's just a memory? You have to tell me if it is so. I can't have my heart broken all the time.

I love you. Yeah, so much that it kept me paranoid all those long weeks that I haven't heard from you. No, it's not the love from my suspicious bisexual tendencies. It's the love from what I hope is our friendship. I love you to a point that I would do anything to keep you at my side. I love you to a point that I would let you do what you want to do, even if I'm nowhere in it. I'm sorry if I needed to say this, it's just that if I don't, I think I'll go mad. Don't worry, this as far as it goes.

Are we over, Nana?

I hope not... because I'd always want to be your Hachi.

* ** ***

I don't want to hear about him anymore. He's turned into a taboo, just like all the others who came before, because his name alone can make me feel sad. Thank you, but I don't need to know that you saw him, that he did not forget you and he greeted you, and that he was with a potential girlfriend, no matter how very ugly she looked. I don't need to know everything about him. I am not a sucker for these kinds of updates.

Maybe it's just because I'm in too deep the melodramatic shit. Maybe it's just because I'm fatally stupid and totally sensitive. I don't care. I'm depressed. He depresses me a lot.

*sigh*

But soon I'll be happy. I'll smile, maybe even laugh; I'll continue to hope for someone better, maybe even continue dreaming of fairy tales; I'll get on with this life, maybe even live it like I've always been okay.

As for now, let me cry. As for now, excuse these sad eyes welling with tears, endure these seemingly endless rants about him, sympathize with this irritable little girl in agony. As for now, just hold me until I forget.

beerdeis

2006-07-15T09:11:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to the following:

Thea!

JM! [get well real soon! we gotta get together before you go to the other side of the globe.]

Chella! [ ;) love you always! mabuhay ang 06!]

Hannah! [i'll be at your place as early as 10a. hehe!]

Lola Etang!

Lyn!

Papa!

Tita Gie! [come over! i wanna see you!]

Rachy! [where art thou?]

Ninang Naz! [i love you!! stay gorgeous always! long live ETA!]

Cams! [ate cams.. ehhehehe.]

Charmo! [overnight? where? when? wonder if that's possible with all the crazy stuff we have to finish.]

whew!

sheesh... lotsa people celebratin their birthdays. i wish you happiness, all. :)

Squeaking

2006-07-14T14:56:00.000+08:00

Nothing compares
To the squeaking of your bed springs
Not the triumph in his voice
When he said he'll take you from me
Not the slamming of your door
As he pulled you into your rooms
Not the protests you gave
Before he took you forcefully
Not the breaking of our paired glasses
That I caused but couldn't remember
Not even the sobs that came from my heart
Because I knew I couldn't do anything
No, nothing could ever beat that
The squeaking of your bed springs alone
Tell me your pain
That is enough
To torment me
And cause my miserable death.

***inspired by blast's nana

frustrated mangaka

2006-07-14T14:50:00.000+08:00

more than anything in the world right now, i want to be a mangaka. i could write dialogues fine -- but i don't know how to draw! oooh, darn it. abstract drawings wouldn't mean anything in manga. i can't attach speech balloons to a blurred mass of color. *thinks* maybe i could get someone to draw for me? but who? waaaah! someone help me! i wanna produce a manga, even just a 50-page one! huhuhu...

nana -- hachikou

2006-07-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

i'm reading ai yazawa's nana right now (i can imagine linda with knitted brows, pouting in envy). okay, i know i've become such a manga addict in such a short span of time but i can't help it. everything's just so good, got me hook, line and sinker. my eyes are already hurting like hell and my head is spinning. must be the effect of reading from the mech for six straight hours. oh, that's that.

finally! finally! someone in the manga actually gets preggy! that's the only criticism i've got and now it's gone. hehe... people shag here and there but the baby doesn't happen. i'm not saying i'm glad because it did, it's just that, thankfully, it hasn't strayed away from reality.

ah, i can't do this any longer. i'll do a decent post when i get the mood and the time. for now, i gotta go back to my reading.

My Last Quarter

2006-07-08T23:16:00.000+08:00

i was sick since thursday night. i still feel sick.

i abhorred the way other people overdid things. how ironic. it's the same reason why i became sick.

* ** ***

ai yazawa, you just make me love you. i hate you for making me cry everytime.

Like the fading moon,

ruining the darkness,

paling,

these lips...

I sing something,

I pray for something,

As I lose the sun that is you.

-=EVIL EYE=-

Excerpt from 'Last Quarter'

Kagen no Tsuki

I am niavi's...

2006-06-29T09:35:00.000+08:00

I am niavi's favorite paperback. Unlike her other books, I am not placed on the shelf to gather dust; I sit on the chair she has not used for over a month now since my return. Everyday when she wakes up, she looks at me and thinks whether she should conceal my tattered skin. But after some time of mental dialectic, she shakes off the idea and sighs, "You are a crime and I'm the criminal."

I am niavi's Meteor Garden poster. Her kind Grams taped me to her door during the days of MG craze. Above me is a sticker of the child Son Gokou. Son Gokou was placed high, beyond niavi's reach. If anything, he is safe. He will not be pulled down when niavi gets her new poster from her friend. I am dreading, counting the days before she tears me off her door.

I am niavi's overly acidic and lactose-intolerant stomach. Whenever she eats high cholesterol food, drinks milk or carbonated or alcoholic beverage, or does not eat or drink at all, I get hurt and she nearly dies of the pain. But if you know niavi, you definitely are aware of one of her cherished philosophies: masarap ang bawal. True, niavi's pain can be considered beyond tolerance, but she doesn't think about that while she hits on the forbidden. Soy milk. Sip after sip after sip. Carton after carton after carton. An hour or two, and then pain.

I am niavi's fried brain. I am doomed to calculate for the rest of her life. Even when niavi is sleeping, her nightmares are of dancing butt-naked numbers. But last night, I gave her a different nightmare. Her teeth were falling off. She woke up alarmed, fearful that it was an omen that someone in the family will die. After a little while, she got over it and stared at the ceiling instead. I can't have my teeth falling off. Braces are expensive. What a shame to use dentures after all the money Papa spent on my teeth.

I am niavi's guilty conscience. When the semester started, she swore that she would religiously study to redeem herself. Well, she did that -- for more or less two weeks. Now, she's slacking off again.

When the semester started, she swore she would forget about the past. She would move on. She would not miss the overnight sessions, the rehearsals in THY, the people she loved to work with, the boy. She would get rid of all these things and get on with her life, because these things, these people seemed to have gotten over the past easily. She envies them. She hopes to forget so she would not be slacking off again.

And so I am her guilty conscience. Because no matter how hard she tries to do the things she has to do, she will strive forever to rationalize them -- for her benefit and for those who love her. I wish to be free of the guilt of course, but her sensitivity to even trivial things makes it impossible for me to recover.

***inspired by tyler durden, fight club

meet bert

2006-06-28T13:49:00.000+08:00

oh, f*ck. why the name?

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

does this work?

2006-06-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

haha! finally have 'em. but i suggest you view 'em at my second blog since space there's a luxury. okie dokie? niavi2

yosi

2006-06-27T04:20:00.000+08:00

She felt weak but very eager. With heavy steps. she made her way to the cart wanting and not wanting to kiss the poison she tried to abstain from ever since that vicious last time at the back of her cousin's house. She drew her purse from her bag that was all cluttered with paper and junk, and exchanged her few precious tokens for that which the world coveted --- oblivion, suicide, heaven.

Like a child treating herself to her favorite candy after a rather painful trip to the dentist, she held her escape between her fingers and reached excitedly for its complement. Dammit, she thought. The complement was one of those roll-types that she never really got to using even if she grew up searching for them in her father's pockets. She knew and she'd already accepted that she was just a novice in such and such affairs, bound to commit mistakes out of clumsiness and irregularity of habit [if ever habit could be irregular]. But she also knew it would be a blow to her ego if she couldn't accomplish the task satisfactorily. If only her vice guru were there, that wouldn't be too big a problem. He'd happily initiate for her.

She sucked on the pellet she'd been consuming, intending to postpone her attempt for even a splitsecond. The cart woman looked on. The old man near the stand cleared out his lungs and spit greenish phlegm. When time comes, that'll be the first legislation I'm going to pass -- no fucking spitting on the ground.

She sucked harder. Her mouth went dry. Harder, until her tongue felt numb. Harder, until she felt a tinge of pain. She stopped.

This is pointless. Suffer or suffer longer. With a silent stipulation of mind and body, she fixed her thumb against the metal and slid it down. Nothing. Then, with a second attempt, a heavier push, the sacred flame ignited.

She lit the slender and fragant beauty that was parting her chapped lips. The tip of her stick climaxed to a brief red and eventually turned to ash. For a first glorious moment, she took a drag and the incense was in her -- its bitter taste spread over the roof of her mouth, into her gums and, embraced her tongue, the magic of its chemical erased the worries and tension in her head, the pangs of guilt from having taken it coursed throughout her body. She thought she would choke on it with the air playing on the border of her throat. Then she released it, slowly, admiring it as long as its visibility permitted, taking in every detail before it gave itself to evanescence.

She continued to work it as she made her way towards the adjacent building. With every step, her questions plagued her, the intensity of rhetorics merely worsening the condition of her fried brain. She saw her life as the exact same thing she was hitting on. How could something so good also be a detriment? Why is it that there is a need to belong and, upon acceptance, the mounting urge to escape? Why do reasons always turn into excuses? Why this tolerance for pain, this willingness to take risks? How come no pleasure ever lasts? What and where is happiness? Don't I have a fucking say in things? It's my life after all.

She sat on the washed out steps of her college. She felt like a speck, an unimportant detail of a bizaare scene, a minute obscenity in the raw, unnoticeable to the public who constantly passed her by. She felt ill. She breathed; with every drag she consumed and was consumed. A few more, and her last.

Then it was over. She stood up and walked a few steps away from the guard. She threw the evidence of her existence, the nothingness of the butt, and crushed it with her foot to pacify the remaining cinders. As she was feeling for her purse in her bag, a guy who hardly knew her but had been quite a figure not so long ago in her life, came by and asked.

"Can I borrow your lighter?"

She smiled and looked at him with all the sincerity she could muster.

"Sorry, I don't smoke."

***written on a day when the heavens were gray and my eyes were red

joon ki video!

2006-06-25T11:37:00.000+08:00

dammit! i can't embed the goddam video! arrrgggh!

just click this thing anyway.

sooo. salivate.

joon ki for giordano

on a greasy day

2006-06-21T15:58:00.000+08:00

i've been planning to write a review of eleven minutes but i'm so busy i can't collect my brain to do it. sorry.

* ** ***

i have tears in my eyes right now. i just finished reading a manga, paradise kiss. there was no way i saw the story ending that way. absolutely no way. hooray, ai yazawa, you've hit me. you're pessimistic realism sure is super.

malin's right. this is so much more mature than ayashi no ceres.

* ** ***

hooray me for having some progress. i already got replies from both san miguel corp. and nestle. i also talked to the guy from the basement [the event's venue]. now i just have to report on what's going on and await a go signal. sure hope everything turns out cool.

* ** ***

and, oh yeah, i feel miserable that the mavs lost to heat.

g-spot!

2006-06-15T08:56:00.000+08:00

i searched for illustrations of the g - spot from yahoo and here's what i got.

Defining the "Grafenberg spot" or "G spot" is not a simple task. Most would simply say it is an area of high sensitivity located within the paraurethral structures. The problem with this definition is, the sensitivity of this area is not likely to be constant. If a woman is not sexually aroused, she may not have a G spot. If the same woman is highly aroused and her paraurethral glands are engorged with prostatic fluid, she may have a very distinct G spot. There are perhaps women who are not aware of a G spot even though they ejaculate and experience a more intense orgasm if their paraurethral glands are stimulated. It is for these reasons that it is important for people not to form a concrete definition of what a G spot is. Each woman will create her own definition, one valid only for her.

The next question for debate concerns whether or not "all" women have a G spot or G crest. This is not really a valid question. The G spot indicates the "sensitivity" of a non-specific area of tissue. The "G-Crest" defines the swollen "condition" of the paraurethral glands during sexual arousal. There are no anatomical structures with these names. This is in part why people have trouble finding it. What one needs to look for are the paraurethral glands. All women have these and it is likely that they all produce at least a small amount of fluid that may seep out and mix with the other fluids that are present in much larger quantities.

more or less, i think i already know what this is about. the reference i got was pretty lengthy and i was feeling a little lazy so i just scanned through it. in case you'd like to know more for yourself click here. [i suggest you do visit the link. it's very informative.]

g-spot?

2006-06-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

just finished reading eleven minutes by paulo coehlo [credit: cams; review will hopefully be posted soon].

something really, really bothered me.

where is a female's g-spot? just when i thought i knew every theory that had to be known about this stuff, suddenly here's something that pokes me in the eye, laughing and screaming, "are you sure? you don't even know where i am!" i may sound absurd and nonsensical. there are about a billion other philosophical things that i could ponder on regarding the book but i really can't help it because this keeps going into my head. it may seem obvious that it's somewhere in the reprod sys, but where there?

bleh. why am i even asking..?

lee joon ki

2006-06-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

although this must be the ickiest entry i have made, im still going to publish it merely for the purpose of making the comparison. i say the major difference lies in my reverence for wookie and my disgust towards champ. happy viewing.

nah. can't do that. i just wanted to piss malin off by posting their respective images here. i got as far as saving the images in my photobucket account and copying the links to my pad. but i can't. after some reflection, i undid it. i don't have the strength to betray wookie. *the maniac laughs*

our my girl marathon commenced last monday. we started round1p and got hold of ourselves round 830? 9? 930? can't remember. we did two more dvds this morning, and tomorrow, we're planning to watch the last disc [hooray classes don't start till 230p]. it's too good! i want to try to explain how in a way i can relate to the story [ewww that] but i will not do it since i don't wanna spoil anyone's viewing or show how very pathetic i can be. anyway, there a lot of nice scenes in the series but nothing beats the triumphant diskarte acts of my fave character. [now that i thought about it, it's a lot brighter for me to have his picture here than champ's.]

lee joon ki as zhenyun [nico]

damn. he looks so good he passes for a girl.

more on joon ki

ssshhh

2006-06-10T17:33:00.000+08:00

how much longer do i have to wait?

i know it's selfish and foolish and whatever but sometimes that particular feeling of loneliness is just so strong that i can't hold it back anymore.

i need.. somebody.

you know who you are.

stop hurting me.

save me.

julian

2006-06-10T16:09:00.000+08:00

niavi: do you love me?

*picture nods*

*niavi laughs triumphantly*

yada yada

2006-06-09T13:32:00.000+08:00

whoa. surprise. to my face. thanks. it was cool.

my first day back

2006-06-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

so my reg wasnt that bad. it was my first time ever since after frosh to actually get things done in a single day. wow. go me! sked is as follows [forgive the crappy format, i havent asked malin to teach me how to make tables]:

mth

230-445p ........ accounting [114.1]
530-7p ............ business law [161]

tf

10-1130a ......... intro to mgt [101]
1-230p ............ finance [141]
230-4p ........... mgt sci [182]

yeah. you got it. it kinda sucks. when i thought about it during the summer, i thought it was gonna be pretty cool since 16.5 units could actually fit into 2-days-a-week sked [ive exhausted my GEs! and they say PI 100 during sem got tons of readings] but since the rvc did all the block assigning, i had no choice but to swallow whatever they gave me. on the bright side, that's a little less hassle compared to having to manually enlist the courses. haha. i remember telling bianca i was going to be nocturnal this sem.

* ** ***

i went to the tambayan after paying my tuition and guess what? haha! i saw ninang and ate amry, chella, and bunso and ate faite! hehe.. i miss these people! esp. my ninang.. dammit. i wish i couldve stayed a little longer and waited for more sisters to arrive but there. *sigh*

* ** ***

A- Damn good in bed
B-You are always fun when it comes tomeeting
new people.C- You wild and crazy
D- Damn good in bed
F-People totally adore you
G-Love is something you deeply believein
H-You have very good personality andlooks
I-You have a nice ass
J-Everyone loves you
K- You like to try new things
L-You are so damn sexy
M-success comes easily to you
N-You have a BIG warm Heart
O-You love foreplay
P-You are popular with all types ofpeople
Q-You are a hypocrite
R- Your very talkative
S-People think you are so sexy
T-You are the best in bed
U-You are really chill
V-You are not judgmental
W-You are very broad minded
X- You never let people tell you what to do
Y-One of the hardest gangsters/rockersalive
Z- youre lovable

----so----

n - you have a BIG warm heart (aww)

i - you have a nice ass (i know.)

a - damn good in bed (uh - huh..)

v - you are not judgmental (uh, actually, i am kinda..)

i - you have a nice ass (yeah. make that two. exactly.)

i'm louis

2006-05-30T14:31:00.000+08:00

I'm LOUIS DE POINTE DU LAC.
Which Ricean Vampire Are You? Find out here.

there. lestat must love me so much.

niavi the dragon

2006-05-30T12:19:00.000+08:00

quizzes from quizilla. my first time, so you'll forgive me if i indulged in them. haha.

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your dragon self

You Are A White Dragon, you are a little slow and work on instinct. You live in really cold places, isolated. You like solitude, but you hunt with other dragons. You would rather eat polar bears, seals, and fish, that you would have previously frozen with your ice breath. You can't talk to humans though.Like every dragon, you keep a treasure hidden, in ice cave, inside icebergs only accessible by the under water part.stone: diamondquote: "Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up." from Pearl Buck you control: ice
Take this quiz!

Which Harry Potter character would u be caught making out with?

You will be caught making out with Fred and George Weasley(at the same time!)--location: behind the stands on the Quidditch field--caught by: Ginny
Take this quiz!

Horoscopes

PiscesElement: WaterPlanet: Neptune and JupiterQuote: I believeColors: sea-green, deep violetGood: Caring, creative, musicalBad: unrealistic, impracticalUnusual circumstances may surround financial or legal matters. Keep an open mind. Time spent making changes to your residence will be comforting.Imaginative and sensitiveCompassionate and kindSelfless and unworldlyIntuitive and sympatheticbut...Escapist and idealisticSecretive and vagueWeak-willed and easily led
Take this quiz

How Will You Die?? Hilarious, and Random Results

You go into surgery on your nose, becuase a random person on the streets made a slight remark about it. While your in surgury, your on laughing gas, and the doctor forgets to turn it off! So, you laugh your ass off untill you can't breath anymore, and you suffacate, then die...poor you...

Take this quiz!

What Would The Hogwarts Boys Say About You?

Harry: thought about you all the time and how he wished you were in his arms

Ron: had a soft spot for you and was like a brother to you
Seamus: would stick up for you if in trouble
Dean: look out for you like Seamus
Draco: tried not to like you, but couldn't help it and he also thought you were really pretty
Blaise: secretly liked you
Take this quiz!

Which legendary flower are you?

LEONA:Leonas are small, six-petalled dark-red flowers with a lovely fragrance. Their petals are pointed like a jasmine's and they are found only in the countryside.

STAND FOR: Passion and Desire.

LEGEND: It is said that their was once a princess, Kaiya, who wanted to live a normal life and greatly disliked being confined within the walls of her castle. There are stories of her sometimes sneaking out at night to be in a secret place in the meadows which only she knew of. When it was time for her to be married, her father (the king) found her a royal groom, but she did not wish to be bound to another royal life and poisoned herself to death. When she was buried, Leonas grew around her grave, symbolizing her eternal desire for freedom.

YOU ARE: a very passionate person. You believe in your dreams and in yourself. If you do something, you give it your best and people respect you greatly for that!
Take this quiz!

Why would you run away?

You'd run away to be with the one you love, just like in the classic love stories! You care for the one you love with every part of your heart and soul and will do anyhting for them. You are passonate, romantic, and a true dreamer!
Take this quiz!

of closure and loneliness

2006-05-28T09:53:00.000+08:00

The Closure Canticle

It begun.
It went on and on.
Deeper, deeper.
We took a shot at forever.
Just a shot.
But forever got on without us.
We feared the end of the journey, the drawing of the curtains.
Ah, the sunset.
Yes, we saw it coming --- and defiance we tried; the flames we kindled; the faith we kept.
But everything disintegrated, shattered, a million broken pieces.
Acceptance is misery.
Give back my peace.
No more, no more.
Haunt me no more.
Goodbye.

* ** ***

Alone is good.

-Catherine Zeta-Jones as Gin, Entrapment

erm, not really, not right now. alone is not good. alone is sad. alone is pain.

pansol and media

2006-05-25T16:22:00.000+08:00

we went for an overnight stay at a private resort in pansol last tuesday. i don't know what to say about it except that it somehow seemed the closure of this summer. yes, i still long for the beach but as fate would have it, i not being able to walk the sands and taste the salty water, i push these thoughts to the back of my head and prepare to assume the waiting realities of the coming semester. oh well. whatever.

* ** ***

videoke! zoom!

some pictures i've uploaded just now.

pansol babies [0423-24_06]

von + niavi [hs grad]

jen + niavi [hs grad]

janye [jho-e's grad]

melon + siomai [jho-e's grad]

charles [dedication]

sunset

2006-05-21T12:38:00.000+08:00

sunset, gneepoo and niavi

first year anniversary

2006-05-21T11:05:00.000+08:00

\anniversary/

hooray! it was the first year anniversary of niavi.blogspot.com last thursday! now with some stats. i have made 77 entries all in all, that is, not counting those that have not made it on the computer but stayed on paper. [yes, yes. sometimes i do scribble my entries first on paper, then draw circles and rewrite not so good sounding stuff before posting most of 'em here.] i did a total of 4 skin changes: the first one was malin's belldandy, second was 'can i eat you', next was the quite unsuccessful black goth, and then this one, 'hands up'. i dont really make them, you can see the designer's site on my links. i got 2-4 from blogskins.com, the link to which is thanks to malin.

blogging has become one of my major hobbies in life. i remember ate mica askin me why i blog, pointing out that it is, first and foremost, a journal, which is supposedly kept private. but then it's online. it is therefore baring your soul to the world. exactly. i guess i just want to make known that there exists niavi, that i am here, and that i am living my life. it totally scares me to think that one day i'll be leaving this world without ever leaving an imprint of me. haha. i know it sounds stupid, and i know that my blog as my imprint is kinda shallow but i also know that it's some kind of start. if i think about something this almost negligible in a way as if it were an important life-and-death concern, then hopefully in the future i'll do stuff that could make a difference and really take them into heart. get what i mean? i hope so.

my life is interesting. if you don't think so, then go to hell. haha. i have my own share of ideas and dramas and it's been a relief and a blessing to share these with you. thanks for a year of visits. ;D

* ** ***

The swiftest thing in the world is thought, for thought can run any distance in the twinkling of an eye. The sweetest thing is sleep, for when a man is tired and sad, what can be sweeter? The richest thing is the earth, for out of the earth come all the riches of the world."

-Manka's father, from the story Clever Manka

indeed. i went on a 24-hour no-sleep marathon inspite of my plan of catching some winks after i finish the damned exam. i got home round 3, and i barely entered the house when mum told me we're going to atc. who was i to say no? she needed someone's opinion if she'd go shopping. on with it, i thought.

though walking through atc and trying stuff on was exhausting [that is, if my energy was measured on a number line, it'd turn out on the extreme negatives], it was cool coz i got to see lani misalucha perform. i had no plans to. i was thinking i've seen her on tv, and i've totally no interest in watching her belt out. but mum dragged me, and hell, i'm glad she did. lani is sooo good. the way she lets go of her notes is just superior --- very clean, very swabe. galing, grabe. she is better than regine. especially when she did her version of bring me to life. i just fell in love.

then the trip ended. we got home bout 10p, and was i glad to hit the bed! within seconds i was snoring. i felt really drained and it was so beautiful that i got no troubling dreams, just some pacified, no brainer sleep. i did 10 hours. and now i'm up and happy again.

* ** ***

i read saerom's blog. to quote: inggit ako kay ivy kc lagi cya mataas sa exam.

duh! to tina, hello! there's no reason to feel that way. you are your own unique self! and besides, there's no truth in that statement-- i don't get high scores during exams. you could've felt that towards, say, ria. then it'll be valid. and you could throw me in with the envy. i'd be your bonus because i might feel the same way.

dammit. this reminds me of yesterday's cost accounting exam. imagine this. it's a 100-point exam with 50 items, 25 of which is English [theory] and the other half, of Math [short problems]. i got a perfect score on my Math but i screwed up the English with 10 fatal mistakes which translate into a deadly 20-point deduction. waaaaaaah! the statements were ambiguous! what was i supposed to do?!

* ** ***

OK, i'll hit the hot topic. da vinci code. there's absolutely no need to make a fuss out of it, really. i mean, for crying out loud, it is fiction. that just about settles it. it's not true, it's just a product of creative imagination. then again, if it is true, which is, i'm certain it's not, so what? Christ would still be Christ with or without Mary Magdalene. would God the Father stop being God the Father if Jesus were not born to a human? di naman, di ba? so what's with all the noise? stop pushing it.

* ** ***

You know you're in love when you can't sleep; because reality is finally better than your dreams.

- Dr. Seuss [sms from edipol]

i have been acting like a know-it-all when in fact i don't know anything about it at all. someone help me. someone please tell me how you know if you're in love.

my deadly sins

2006-05-17T14:40:00.000+08:00

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 80%

Gluttony: 60%

Greed: 40%

Pride: 40%

Envy: 20%

Lust: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 40%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"

You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.
And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences.
Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Your True Love Is an Aries

Why you'll love an Aries:

An Aries has the red-hot seduction skills to woo you
Never boring, an Aries will give you the romantic challenge you crave!

Why an Aries will love you:

You have the intensity and energy to go head to head with your Aries...
And the undying passion to keep an Aries coming back for more.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Your Brain is 67% Female, 33% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Linguistic Profile::

40% General American English

30% Yankee

20% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy
An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming
If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him
Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

currently busy reading queen of the damned and chatting with bebang.

2006-05-13T08:51:00.000+08:00

accounting exam at 9 but im stuck at home because of the weather. to think i stayed up til 230a just to study! arrggh. how lame.

* ** ***

last thursday, tina and i went to the farflung colleges of peyups to get our classcards. following are the results of my delinquent existence last sem:

mgt sci 2.0

infotec 1.50

acctg drp

micecon 2.25

theater 1.00

natsci 1.75

pe - sd 2.25

GWA 1.70

i therefore conclude that dropping accounting aint too bad after all. i'm still a college scholar. *i'm too airy*

at the tambayan

2006-05-06T12:05:00.000+08:00

sometime during the idle days of late march, the junior that i am spent a few hours at the sorority tambayan, and...

PLC ezzel as GLC mica

tambayan rap

music video

i was there yesterday. hope i can be there every single day. huhu.

tickle and photobucket videos

2006-05-06T10:40:00.000+08:00

Enelya, you're smartest when it comes to linguistic intelligence.

Being linguistically intelligent means that you have a knack for using words and language. As a result, you've probably noticed that you have a greater gift for expressing yourself than most people around you. In fact, you might be known in your circle of friends as something of a wordsmith. Whether writing or speaking, you're the type to get your point across with both precision and flair. At times, this can make you a very persuasive communicator. By choosing the right words at the right time, you can clearly express your ideas, thoughts, and feelings to others. This can be a crucial skill in both your professional and personal life.

tickletest

* ** ***

video uploads from photobucket!

edessa at BA

tyose at sunken

oh crap

2006-04-29T15:57:00.000+08:00

i was inexplicably excited when i woke up yesterday morning. something big's about to happen, i thought, i just can't remember exactly what it is. after i got a grip of myself by forcing the feeling out of my head and concentrating on retrieving its cause, everything became clearer... and i felt excited all the more.

i had to drag tina out of class. she's forgotten it's the big day. so the two of us went to SC; she copied the resume template (thanks to donn, btw) and we went to settle the affairs we have left hangin.

some hours later we were walkin, still under the scorching heat of the sun despite the umbrellas, to the station. we stood idly for sometime since none of us four (niavi, tina, dj moo, sang) wanted to ask the peeps there whether we were in the right place. finally, we were able to force tina and sang to ask and pass the resumes. haha.

after a trillion years, we were given numbers by the very friendly batch 3 airchecker claudia, whose hard work was repaid by a bottle of c2, and lots, hopefully, of smiles. me, 0064. we waited still, i think it was already around 3(?) when we sat by the marble steps of the station and started losing our minds in full swing. trust me. or don't. we started singing. i was even dancing. oh holy night. m2m singles, with matching high, thin voices. b n b. bahay kubo with choral blending. love radio station id, complete with crazy frog intro. i told you. we started singing. plus, plus, edessa made her version of twiching under pressure. wahahaha.

claudia then interrupted our happy disposition with an announcement that we were to be taken into the booths for a tour. hooray that! we went into the ls booths, saw several of them djs, and almost forgot the heat outside. haha. when we went back to the lobby and to the waiting crowd, i don't know if it's a good thing or not, our energy levels, instead of being diminished, rose to greater heights. maybe because, even for a little we were able to escape the rising temperatures. i'm sorry, we must've irritated all the other people there with all our chatter but heck, we could not have helped it otherwise. haha.

by the time the clock struck 4, i was thinkin i must get out already. we still havent been through the interview, it was getting pretty late because the family was havin dinner out in celebration of mum's birthday. then mr. someone asked the crowd for their decision: finish everything then even if it takes all night, or issue new numbers for us to come back the next day (which is today). majority won. finish everything. ohhhh, craaap. fine.

after n minutes, our batch of 10 was called in for the interview. my. my. just thinkin of it makes my insides turn all over just as they did yesterday. out of nervousness that is. there was apprehension of course, and that sense of 'at last!' but above all there was this numbing feeling that put me on the verge of panic. ohhhh, craaap. i asked those who just finished with the interview how it went. they said it was okay, there was a panel of judges who asked the aircheck candidate stuff mala-american idol. well that just about made me quit. american idol???!!! as in american idol with a SIMON present. thank you, i'm outta here. but okay, since edessa had another crappy line to define the situation (you're an overcomer) i sat tight and waited for 0064 to be called out.

the interview was fine. i was able to face the panel without trembling... too much. haha. i was afraid i'd stutter. but fortunately, i didn't. it was cool. haha. they asked me to read something, and so i did. i was in the middle of the article when they stopped me and told me to wait for further instructions. i replied with a light and brave 'thanks!' and vanished out of the room. waaaah! i was thinkin they didn't like me. i could imagine wap, who's also from batch 3, coming out of the room and telling me, 'how far worse can you get? that was trashiest attempt at aircheck ever.' wahahahaha. we waited for the batch to finish the interviews before heading back to the lobby.

i then asked michelle, our batchmate, what was goin to happen. she told me we have to wait for the announcement of those who would proceed to the second stage. and then hans of batch 3 called out those who would do recording. hooray us! all four of us were going to record! hahaha.. we were then ushered to the booth where dan the man was doing his shift.

now this is juicy. and crazy. haha. so we were in the booth with several other applicants and i was insane once more. i was being the wacky me. the pampam me. whatever. dan was givin us chunks of advices in between his on-airs. then he needed someone to go on-air. and he eyed me, because, hopefully, i am bibo. *adik sort of grin* he pointed a finger at me and said, 'i want you.' and here is where the peak of insanity turns on pumping. i remember that radio drama we did in hs, stacy's line specifically, that one she replied with to the blanco who just confessed he liked her. out of dire stupidity maybe, i spurted in a girly, extremely flirty-sounding voice, 'i want you, too.' WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! of course it was a joke.

time came for the recording. im not gonna elaborate on this. i totally screwed this up. i did. i did. no matter what, i did. i became uberly conscious because master t was in the room. crap me.

oh well. what will happen, happens. i'll just have to deal with it even if it's real hard. *cries in frustration*

so much for an experience. :D

new template

2006-04-26T17:58:00.000+08:00

whew! i spent the whole afternoon editing this new template. (the can-i-eat-you one got screwed up somewhere and i was feelin way too lazy to scan the codes.) got it from blogskins and i think that it is totally fab even if i wouldve preferred a nice gothic theme if i found a decent one. i just cant view it properly because im usin my old mech (arggghhh! blackone must be fixed).

* ** ***

accounting is keeping me busy... which reminds me, our prof asked us to do a hell lot of problems. oh well. gotta go start solvin or i may not finish.

man-boobs

2006-04-16T21:28:00.000+08:00

man-boobs. waha.

* ** ***

happy birthday tam! ;D

God loves me

2006-04-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

good friday. some reflection.

God is faithful. this life of mine was one of trials, shortcomings, wrongs, imperfections, storms. but each and every time such events occur, it would be me walking back and searching for God's embrace, and He would be there, waiting to take me into His arms to comfort me and forgive me. those moments always made me feel vulnerable but at the same time safe. i always thought there will surely be greater aftershocks but God will help me through so i need not worry, just cast all my fears away and put my trust in Him. in these circumstances did i fully understand certain facets of faith --- it is unconditional love mirrored in dependence and loyalty; it is undying belief, that hope that a sinner would realize what s/he had done and would repent and seek His Word; it is willingness to forgive, willingness to risk a person to fall into temptation once more pitted against the hope that this time s/he might hold and live by the Word.

i am special. God loves me.

i'm spidey

2006-04-02T14:58:00.000+08:00

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		90%
Hulk		70%
Robin		65%
Wonder Woman		45%
Batman		40%
The Flash		40%
Catwoman		40%
Superman		25%
Supergirl		25%
Green Lantern		25%
Iron Man		25%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

You Are 46% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

You Are 60% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.
You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.
You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.
You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.
You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

Your Five Variable Love ProfilePropensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is medium.In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is medium.You probably have had a couple significant loves.And you may have even had your heart broken.But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.You know a relationship is not about getting your way.And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is low.You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.
Independence:
Your independence is medium.In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

Your Lucky Underwear is Blue

You are caring and extroverted. You've made relationships your number one focus, and your lucky blue underwear can bring some balance to them.You thrive in one-on-one situations. You are a good listener and a natural born therapist.
Sometimes you let the concerns of others become too important in your life, leading to stress and worry.If you want more balance, put on your blue underpants. They'll help you take care of yourself first.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

You Are 52% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

How Happy Are You?

disgusting

2006-04-01T12:31:00.001+08:00

i don't know, maybe because i'm not used to that kind of attitude is why i find it hard to cope up with these freakin situations that happen.

malin calls such worthy of animal planet feature. rightly so, dude. never in high school has it happened that somebody was willing to pull another down just so they get to go up. never in high school has it happened that those willing to work weren't given tasks intentionally just so they get low grades. and never in high school has it happened that somebody succumbed to inconsideration and utmost cheating just so they make sure they come out excellent.

i feel so totally disappointed. i thought she was the kind of straight, disciplined person who knew how to be fair. oh, well. i make mistakes. she isn't. dear, you totally proved to me how very stupid and unreasonable you are. i couldn't be there. given. but i was bugging you, asking for things that i might do even if i'm not there. every little thing you asked me to do, i did. still, you gave me floor. next stop. how could you assess my performance when you aren't there anymore to actually see what i'm doing? and out of nowhere you gave me floor. that is just so full of bull. you disgust me.

you don't have a clue of what i've been through. you might've died if go through the same things. you've no right to judge me in whatever way. you don't know me. you don't understand and you never will, lest you be there yourself. i'm living this life, thank you, and i'll continue to live it the way i believe i must and i want to. look on, get your own life, i don't care. just don't meddle. next time i won't be a pushover. i'll spit everything in your face. trust me, i say what i mean and i mean what i say. you'll be damned if you don't.

PRAYER: God, thank You for this wonderful life. I just hope others get a wonderful life, too, so they'd stop being wrecks in mine.

finally?

2006-03-31T09:42:00.000+08:00

waha.

i'm relieved.

i just finished making my report for the mvp acad excellence awards. i also sent the swot part in our research paper really early this morning (erm, uhh, like 12 or 1 am).

i can't help but be glad at the thought that all the requirements that i have to do are done. hooray me for being a good girl.

pressure is the waking reality of my life. without it i don't think i'll ever budge. without it i'd become another wall flower. i'm thankful there is pressure even if sometimes it nearly kills me. but as atE mona told me, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger." and i'm not dead, right? logically, it follows that i'm stronger. boo you, everyone who're pullin me down.

* ** ***

we attended von's grad yesterday afternoon (yeah, after going to arzen to choose photos, stealing away from the hospital nurses, and lots of other dids).

hannah, swine ko, you're simply fab! haha. i'm glad you're gonna be my schoolmate yet again.

jen, great job! as always, to be expected from the jennifer rio capanang. too sad our triumvirate won't be together in college. but i'm not givin up hope! you can always transfer. hehe

von, you big ass. you get to have a k700i for your dumb existence while i only got a hand-me-down N8250 for all those damned medals. haha. kidding. last wednesday i was thinking along this line and i was hating you big time. but well, after the gloria maris treat last night everything just sunk into oblivion. i'm happy for you. i really hope you do well in uste so you'd be able to transfer asap to upd.

* ** ***

erm. yeah. pictures.

busy

just a thought

kiss!

looking out to the world

artistas to the last breath

the hearthrob

pavlova!

*sob*

killer looks

palimos po

the wall

sun worshipper*

constipation

breakneck mountain

gayuma scandal

grecian pose

the art of, ermm, art

dugay man oh!

inside the nicotine

more when i've time.

credits: nanay gn for the photos

*captured by edessa

survey

2006-03-29T21:32:00.000+08:00

i dunno why. i just found myself answerin this survey from the bulletin board in friendster.

crappy. i need sleep.

1. Best place to cry? disable cubicle, washroom, first floor, vinzons.

2. Missing someone right now? sure. i miss myself.

3. The person you love the most? myself.

4.Tell us your dream last night... sorry. dreamless sleep.

5. Ever hate someone so bad? sure.

6. The biggest lie you heard? vin diesel's real name is vAn diesel.

7. Ever lied to someone you love the most? lotsa times awredi. and it's not easy, mind you.

8. What's the worst thing you wanna do? shove a pineapple in someone's ass.

9. Wanna be someone else than ur self? yeah. i've been wanting to be the dalai lama for quite sometime already.

10. Ever slap someone? i'm no slapper.

11. Last time u cried? 3 hours ago.

12. Biggest crush? erm, uh, yeah.

13. Last mall u went to?went inside? SM north?

14. Last memorable song you heard? best i ever had.

15. Last person that hates you? myself.

16. Reasons why you hate someone? inconsideration.

17. Biggest lie you said? "i'm perfectly happy."

18. What u wanna say to someone that u love? thanks.

21. where you at? in front of the mech.

23. what's on your mind? research paper. financial report. penguin video. taboo.

24. Honestly, who are you chatting online with now? no one. i said i gotta go.

25. what is it that you REALLY should be doing right now? off to slumba wumba.

26.have you brushed your teeth today? yeah. twice.

27. who are your best friends in the world? jack, kulto, mist

28. Honestly, who is the hottest person you know?as of now? erm, uhh, yeah.

29. Honestly, are you a good friend? super.

30. Honestly, do you really think going to school is important? yeah.

31. Honestly, what are your dreams about,mostly? journal entries, crumpled classcards, dark clouds.

32. Honestly, who/what makes you happy most ofthe time? good food, better sleep, best friends.

33. Honestly, what are you so sad about right now? i don't know whom to trust. i'm fighting the jealousy i'm feelin. i just wanna sleep.

34. Honestly, how old are you now? 18

35. Honestly, what song are you listening to right now? none.

36. Honestly, who do you want to meet at this very moment? jack.

37. Honestly, where do you like to be kissed? erm, uhh, yeah. there.

38.Honestly, do you have a deadly disease? if beauty is deadly, then, well, i guess i do.

39.Honestly, do you hate someone right now? yeah, myself.

40.Honestly, who/what do you wanna hug right now? sausage.

pending

2006-03-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

was able to do and pass the rest of my theater reaction papers.

there. just the 180.1 pending. i can do this. wah. damn.

one last paper

2006-03-27T06:52:00.000+08:00

in a matter of a little more than 3 hours, i have finished 3 more reaction papers.

one last to go.

break time

2006-03-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

i'm gettin better.

victory post 1

2006-03-26T19:39:00.000+08:00

this is a victory post.

hooray. i've just finished my first paper.

i hope to do 4 more, then maybe i'll have something decent to say.

separation anxiety

2006-03-22T12:37:00.000+08:00

people say it's hard to let go of something valuable especially when you've just realized how very important that thing is. yeah, well. maybe. but what i know is this: it is pure agony to even think of letting go of something you have valued all throughout, something you felt you gave yourself fully to, something you treasured beyond anything and everything else, something that simply became the axis of your life.

i wanted the play to end for the obvious reason that it was the last damn requirement for us to finish the subject. but on my way home, after staging it successfully on a friday night etched forever in my memory, i was thinking, "is it really over?" and before i knew it i was bleeding to answer myself with a dishonest 'no.' no, i'm not ready for it to be over. no, it's just too good to see a dead end. no, i'd rather go through every difficulty over again than to see time tick by slowly and eventually thrust memories of theater in the forgotten corner of my mind. no, not now --- certainly not when i've fallen deeply in love with the dimalipaders.

i've been crying over the weekend. i've been crying over every cheesy piece of reaction paper i've read. i know it sounds stupid. i might be the only person feeling this anxiety with such magnitude but i can't help it. it's just plain hard. theater 11, dulaang dimalipad means so much to me. it's my sanctuary, my refuge, my shelter because the past semester has been everything but a glide down the rainbow. i found people here who became real friends to me, ready to listen, ready to cry and laugh with you no matter what ills they have in themselves, ready to string along whatever time, whatever occasion, ready to accept you for who you are.

i thought i knew my friends, the ones from d2 to be more specific. mind you, i don't hate the particular ones, it's just that i am disappointed of such behavior they displayed. i trusted them, i gave them confidence that i thought they deserved. i never imagined such betrayal of that trust. picture this: i risk my sorry ass telling them bout really private matters hoping they'll hear me out and never breathe a word to anybody else, and what they do to repay this is pass negative judgment on me, behind my back, during a time when i'm tending other important business and they tell this to another person who, though i know is tight knit is another person just as well.

that's a major reason why i love my theater diosas. they never judged me, tyose in particular. she hasn't known me very long, not even for a whole 72 hours, but she never saw my sorority an evil organization to apply to, she never hinted that i'm this deliquent student wasting my life, my time, my energies. compared to the people i thought i knew.. tyose is a lot more worthy of my trust. that i'll remember from now on.

and nanay gn, too. it felt so good to be talking to someone who's gone through the very same things you're going through. it felt so good that there's a person who understands you down every bit of detail and who gives you advice on how to make things work. it felt so good to know that someone sincerely cares about what happens to you and is praying everything turns out well and you make it through alive.

tell me now what i'm supposed to feel. tell me now what i'm supposed to do. enzo's right, everybody should move on. but i'm just not ready at the mo. let me linger a just a little longer.

farewell penguin

2006-03-18T15:38:00.000+08:00

the play last night was a hit. ive been crying since.

my reflection paper:

Everything started with the dire need of an 18-unit load. It was a choice I had to make between Malikhaing Pagsusulat 10 and Theater 11. I felt inclined to prerog for MPs 10, but eventually, because Tina kept pleading me for us to try the latter, I gave in — and I’m mighty glad I did. We stood outside CAL 204, cautious to enter the room because we were half an hour late and to kill time, we acted and dubbed ourselves ‘seaweeds.’ Little did we imagine that we were going to be and experience so much more than that.

I fell in love with Harlene the very first time I read the script that I couldn’t see myself playing any other role. I felt her inside me: all the tension, the pain, the need to be loved and given attention, the pretense of happiness through practice of escape, the desire to release all that she was feeling and the inability to, and it was this last that served as my motivation to do the role.
There were many trials.

That night when Nanay Gn cried, I cried, everybody felt really low will always remain fresh in my head. It was the peak of our depression. Other members of the cast and even the production staff complained, some even wanted to quit. But I had to hold on to the principle that governed my life: NEVER QUIT. It was this that I always told my friends, my brothers and sisters in this production, and here we are now…achievers.

Today is March 18, the day after the play. I’m sitting in front of my machine, thinking of all the things that Dulaang Dimalipad taught me, crying for these things. DD broke my heart, yes, many times, but it made me whole as a person, it developed my character. DD taught me teamwork, strength, perseverance, creativity, appreciation, love for work, confidence, industry, and above all, friendship. The seemingly insurmountable tasks proved hard but very rewarding. All the dreaming and scheming paid-off with an outcome that just overwhelmed those who poured blood and sweat to see plans realized. The non-believers were inspired and converted. People who were once strangers became friends I would treasure for the rest of my life. Cheese here and there, I know, but these are for real.

I can’t put into words the intensity of the apprehension I’m feeling now that classes are about to end. I know it’s because I gave so much to the class — the effort I put into this subject is greater that the effort I gave in all my other GE subjects taken together; the relationships that were formed among the members of the class are priceless and the attachment I feel to these people is just so great that it’s hard to accept I wouldn’t see them almost everyday anymore; I know I will miss the laughter, the tears, the sentiments, the teasing, the life that is Th 11, DD.

Kudos everyone! We made it! (I’ll really miss you.)

* ** ***

shame, shame. how very emo of me.

once a busy day

2006-03-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be doing this. i should be making my presentation. but i can't help it. this is so delayed as it is.

* ** ***

the birthday

it's owa's bday today but the grand celebration has to wait until saturday. we just had pizza and ice cream. heehee. stuffing ourselves. :D

the pressure is killing me. we just finished delivering invites an hour ago. i have to finish my presentation now or pa will kill me. i dunno. i haven't even started. damn kim for not capturing the photos right.

motivation! do what you have to do baby! you've been somewhere behind things lately... catch up! catch up!

* ** ***

the sisterhood

it's begun. finally.

* ** ***

acads

whoever invented school? i'm sooo depressed. i haven't confessed i'm doing a terrible job. i don't wanna let the people who believe in me lose their faith. please, why is this happening to me? and why now? i really hate the damned timing! damn!

* ** ***

social life

m.i.s.t. i love.

pictorial

2006-02-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

from left to right: tess~sheqs~harlene~nicko~marcel~sweet~tuqxs~edwin~dyna~mario~sang

major characters

sets and props committee

Mikko.Ivee.Serom.Tyose.

theater pictorial last tuesday. beautiful, beautiful people.

freak

2006-02-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes...

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

* ** **

i don't know. well, yeah maybe. you bothered? gawd. what a freak. damn. and because you're bothered, i'm bothered, too. gawd. why her? i'm here! duh! here! dammit.

* ** ***

hold on. just one more week. stay there. you can do it.

yesterday's entry

2006-02-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

5:59a

feb 11, 2006

in 28 days, i'll turn 18. i feel so old. (though i think i said the same thing when i was about to turn 16.)

* ** ***

last thursday night, theater class watched pinoy wannabes at peta theater. we saw eugene domingo again, but this time she was part of the audience. she was with a-man-who-changed-his-mind who really looked familiar, he must be a director or such.

i didn't exactly looove the plays (there were 5) but i really appreciated each and every one of them, especially panaginip. panaginip is about gay lovers, they were archi studes, with the seemingly straight gone off to france seeking for greener pastures (EWWW. that sounds so cliche.) and the undeniably homo left in the country waiting for the seemingly straight. both had love affairs outside their own, but vic, the undeniably homo, refused to fully give himself into his 'other' affair because he still loved the seemingly straight and was waiting for his return. because no replies came from seemingly straight, vic decided to go to california (?) with greg, his internet gay lover. too bad though, seemingly straight came home to be with vic right after vic left.

aside from the plays, thursday was also bonding night for theater. yeah, i arrived home at 1, friday morning, and yeah i did cause my parents headache. i know i'm guilty. but i'm also guilty of extremely enjoying myself and enjoying the company of my theater buddies.

wish ko lang di ako ngumunguya nyan

saerom and i ticked time off with toni some 8 hours before the play. i looove toni!! yeah, i love you, toni. (ummm, toni is a girl and i love her not in a homo way.) she shows real interest when you've something to say, she's open-minded, she tells great stories, she hates flirts, and she's so in touch with her sentiments. i just hope she and ulysses, her boyfriend, turn out okay. for chrissakes. it's their monthsary on valentine's.

toni the babe!

in the eve, even the jeepney rides were fun. people kept crackin jokes, people kept inching closer to their objects of desire (^^), people kept being themselves and lovin the class. kris kept sayin, 'i'm hunger' and there was a time when she added, 'you know, sometimes i'm hunger but sometimes i'm sleep.' LOL! gn also had her own grammar-stupid versions like, 'yes, i am povert.' hahaha! i love you guys.

pau and kris: hot chicks ;D

and speakin of 'i'm hunger,' i really felt that way. my, the last layer on my tummy was gulaman, and i consumed it ages ago. i was sooo damn hungry, my tummy grumbled all the time. good thing nanay gn had her badly-toast-but-nevertheless-palatable-liverspread-sandwich. we were laughin because it seemed like frat initiation or something when we passed the damned sandwich around, each of us takin a bite. haha. we did look like pgs, okay. and it wasn't the last thing we passed around --- nanay gn also shared her chao fan when she was ruhsing to finish it.

nanay gn and me

jireh invited us to attend thursday fair and by so doing, he reminded me that i'm not attending a single fair event. waaaah. even jok8 and memae are comin over. damned accounting exam. damn it forever. oh, yeah. btw, thanks to jai for pullin me to the side of the road. i would've been hit if he hadn't. sheesh. up to now i still can't take care of myself.

the waiters: jireh and alvin

we cried on the bus home. i want to cry some more. it makes me feel a lot better than just densing all the emotion inside. i love you tina; thanks for stayin with me.

* ** ***

deirdre told apa. apa knows. right now, deirdre can tell apa's a mix of pride and anxiety.

credits: nanay gn for the photos

reasons

2006-02-06T03:21:00.000+08:00

there are reasons to be extremely happy and reasons to be extremely troubled. and as always, they come in a package. trust me, laugh so hard now and the next moment you know you'll be crying or really depressed. it's kinda cynical/nega to say that you shouldn't laugh out or express too much gaiety if you wanna prevent sad stops, but hey, when you come to think of it, life is too short to not giggle and not wail-- and it'll be a lot more worth livin if you get a taste of everything and see how very human you can get.

one thing i'm really happy about: theater. i got the role! hahahaha! i got the role i wanted! but it'll have to remain the class's little secret 'til the staging. we're reading lines now, practicin how to say stuff and all. i think the committees are a little dormant for the moment, but soon enough, with denise, and saerom, and gn chasin their asses, we'll see some results.

update: nica's theater guild will also stage last order sa penguin by chris martinez in march. we're on some sorta competition for market. heehee.

my, my! we saw geegee at waterina, and welcome to intelstar last last week. really kewl. eugene domingo is awesome! i didn't know she's that good. and the gay play was real funny, too. all the while i was thinkin, jack should've been here, she'd love this. btw, chris martinez directed intelstar. we talked to him and got his okay for penguin.

plans: we're watching pinoy wannabes by PETA on thursday evening. we're planning to watch zsa zsa zaturnnah on the 19th. saerom also posted re: viktor frakenstein. jenny wants to watch romeo and juliet at AFP theater. if i do all that, i'll run out of dough.

* ** ***

this is deirdre's last week, hopefully. give everything.

it's not exactly makin her unhappy; in fact, it excites her. but sometimes the pressure is so very strong she has to put other stuff aside just to keep in pace. she'll do what she can. so help her God.

consolation. she's not the only one in that situation. there are many others out there who are going through so much more than what she is 'sufferin' now. she finds they're all the same, just apart, so she's made up her mind that she'll not think she's alone.

what's disturbing though is she hasn't cried a single tear. it feels great to cry because you get to release all the stress. but no. lacrimal glands are dry. why? pain not enough? fear not enough? why that worry, tension and all but no physical burst of emotion?

she knows she wants it. she listens. miss sofia says time just passes. third week on wednesday. after that everything's gonna be fine. back to life without terror but more reason to live.

* ** ***

my mum's sick. pray for her pls.

letter to dyna

2006-01-28T10:12:00.000+08:00

dyna,

what made you bail out? i thought we were gonna see this through the end? i thought we were gonna stick together and prove them our worth? why this? why leave? why now? i thought we agreed we were in too deep already from the very beginning? you are the single soul in the planet who understands everything about what's happening to us. i dont understand why you take my trust and dependence and then leave me alone to suffer everything to come.

god dyna. what's another week? im not sure what im feeling right now. im hating for you doing this. im hating you for not thinking about me when i think about you each and everytime i feel low. my confidence is base level right now, in case you may want to know. you are the only one who has really been able to boost it. youve hurt me so much.

im begging you. come back and see this through with me, and i swear, ill do everything for you. just come back. just stay with me. does the past week mean nothing to you? doesnt it mean anything at all? was it just a spur-of-the-moment decision, something that you havent really thought well of, so it's equally easy to throw away? god dyna. i hate you so much right now. but i hate it even more that i need you more than i hate you.

please. come back. ill still be your deirdre.

wasted

2006-01-22T11:23:00.000+08:00

i've been wasted for the last few days. imagine this: for a whole week, you get to sleep at 11p, then you have to be up again by 3a to do whatever pending work's keepin you from sweet slumber. then last friday, i only slept for 3 (?) hours, i didnt get to review at all for the two long exams, and that's it.

for the first time, i'm actually scared. i'm not doin good academically. not. i failed the first accounting exam which is supposed to be the easiest long exam in the series. i'm lost. i dunno what to do. i did study, i'm pretty sure of that. but, okay, i didn't study consciously. i just can't find the drive. and yesterday, i lost 20+ points in the infotec midterms. i'm so ruined. and econ, too. some 20+ points lost. damn. i wanna cry. ngawa, in harlene's terms.

the only subject i think i'm actually achieving in is theater. theater has been my home, my sanctuary, my refuge in this sem. once i thought it's lost to me, too. i thought it has been invaded by something that's pushing me to the edge and it'll never be the same as before, but now things have cleared up, i find it as good as ever.

* ** ***

dyna, she scares me. but we've given it time, haven't we? besides, we're in too deep. leaving was not an option and it never will be. just stay with me. stick with me through the end. i'm sure miss antha and miss mace will help us. they have been. they always will. my miss antha will not desert me. i trust in her. the family does not know. i dont intend to tell. not till it's over.

* ** ***

i miss wisdom. ive been readin the testimonials at friendster and i just really freakin miss wisdom. matagal pa ba bago mag-reunion?

last november 25

2006-01-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

Cams: hi archie! cams 2... =)

Archie: Hello din cams. Hi serom!

Ivy: hi chie! wala.. nice laptop! hehe. ako si ivy

Paul: in love ako kay tats! yehey! paul here (=

Saerom: bakit tahimik si jemari? g2m na ba xa? oo daw. g2m na xa. yehey!

Archie: T*** **a! Kumain na nga tayo? As in, im like, you know, hungry na...

Ivy: Bakit wala akong pera? Minet!!! asan ka na?

Gen: ...per month, tapos 30 million per month ang na-ccirculate ng newspaper... (grabe, case sa 181 lagi iniisip. sorry, US kasi)

Ivy: wala akong sinabing ganyan

Archie: Gutom na ako! P**a, tama na nga yang case na yan!

Ivy: mag-videoke tayo!

Gen: mag-cacamping kami sa grandstand! yehey! I'm so happy!

The End

Saerom: Nasan ako?

Ivy: Tanga, nasa ba steps ka.

happened last nov25. everybody posted this on their blogs already, haha, and im the last one to update. never mind. i just wanna.

* ** ***

what is wrong with ym???!!!! i cant sign-in. im ticked off.

* ** ***

i still havent posted this. credits: saerom's blog

happy theater

snow

2006-01-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

im sooo dying to watch brokeback mountain. they've won awards all over town and it's drivin me nuts just thinkin bout how good the film version is, given that annie proulx's work is superb.

i finished shopaholic last night. becky bloomwood is such a trouble magnet! i maintain that the book is a light, pleasant read. however, i feel that it's so unreal especially because everything turns out to be perfect, crease-free, neatly-cut in the end. i mean, what's up with that? i feel like im readin a fairy tale scrutinized by an overly commercial-conscious editor where bad, tragic endings are a no-no.

i dont think ive said anything about tuesdays with morrie, at least, nothing yet. i read it after anne rice, during the c'mas break. hahaha. im soo attached to my emotions. an hour after readin the last chapter i was still crying, and crying real hard at that, with sounds and everything. for one, death used to freak me out. it still does, sometimes, when i think of it real seriously. but then again, it's inevitable. the read made me realize you just have to be prepared for it, when it will come not being an issue, but a warning and an assurance that it will. it all returns to livin life, and valuin it, so much so that you spend every second doing what you would never regret you did.

* ** ***

deirdre will return tomorrow. plans for today weren't fully realized. she's a tad scared but she trusts miss antha and miss mace with her life. they'll get her through this. they'll help her. everything's gonna be fine. chill.

* ** ***

ive got two exams comin up, a freakin, incomprehensible homework in mgt sci, and a techie proposal. yet here i am, stayin up late, hooked, addicted and involuntarily stuck on the net (fine, slightly involuntarily). sheesh, ive lost control.

* ** ***

we had fun today, didnt we? i loooove the sun! i hope it's that hot every tue and fri... or maybe, i think it's even better if it snows! yes! genius! please, powers above, let it snow! haha... of course we'd be caught unawares and all --- no sweaters/jackets, no blankets, no nothing but the clothes we're in --- and we'll be so cold, and there'd be no other choice but to grab the cutie next to you to share the body heat! haha! pantasyaful again...

* ** ***

pa offered me 3 options for my upcoming debut:

1. trip to somewhere

2. check-in somewhere with a few close friends (hotel/scuba)

3. party with everybody

i wanted the charity plan to push through but pa said they've given something there already so we can count that. that being said, im rather inclined to go with 3. credits to giemel for giving me this insight: it would be such an accomplishment to have all the people who've been part of your life gathered together to celebrate it. hahaha. cheese again. but i like it.

50th post

2006-01-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

i woke up weird. i have this feeling of frustration (?) and i felt like i'm losin my grip on things. and yeah, there's dread and misery, too.

several things. first, i was dead exhausted yesterday. slept round 3am after posting my last entry and woke up at 6. did routine groggily and was half an hour late for pe. lucky, though, i learned the new steps pretty quick enough.

econ passed.

met up with ate ring. big thing coming up. i'm a little nervous but i'm determined. i'll make it. (ignore the rhyme.)

i can't find my mrt ticket. damn. i still got more than 50 bucks on that thing and i've been treating as always, as a gain because of the purchase discount.

reason for confusion: von's prom. we (referring to myself, pa and ma) waited for the event to end while doing an even worse roaming compared to thursday. bought sneaks and dance shoes (naks! serious bout pe?) at lmark. then ate at a chinese resto. wow. i love chicken feet. i love almonds. i love peaches. i love chinese food. anyway, we then walked the whole of gbelt3, saw celebs, hated the aching leg muscles, and finally returned to manila pen. haha. out of extreme vertigo, fell asleep on a couch at the lobby. i couldn't even send out a decent greeting to the people i know when i woke up and we were about to leave. i was even a bit mad at ma for waking me up, eh, von and co. were still taking some photos.

* ** ***

niceties:

together with micko, alvin and sheila, i watched unravel noh at aldaba hall. really cool play. i love kubomichi's line, "can't you have any sense of profeessionalismm?" haha. again, again, again. i love theater. not entirely because of mr. innocent, although still largely, but because of the bond with the classmates.

* ** ***

i recently finished brokeback mountain by annie proulx. i didn't find it a bit icky as others did. rather i found it so interesting i'm adding the film adaptation to my movie must-see list. it's basically a love story and love is love no matter in what form. so what if they're both guys? they love each other and i firmly believe that's what's important. i feel sorry for homo critics, yes, especially the church.

one hectic day

2006-01-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

this is killin me. i'm too damn sleepy to make this entry but here i am, pounding on my keyboard, unable to tear myself from this machine that links me to everything and everyone else.

the events of yesterday that proved to be good reasons to stay up this late in front of my precious computer while pestering a chatroom and talking about theater and theater stuff and theater people and theater wonderful people with micko, and catching up with glenda:

*exams for this week are over. thank the powers that be.

*just got a wave of papa's possessiveness. i told him (told, not consulted or anything such, told, done for the simple reason of informing) that i have decided to be a dormer next semester and christ, he dragged into sermons that lasted as long as it took us from manila to caloocan. i appreciate the care and the protection but.. i dunno.. it made me feel bad because i felt no trust on his part.

*was informed that mgt sci reference book we're usin is the same one used in the ateneo mba program. *stream of profanities* im just in my sophie year in college and they're making me do graduate stuff. how fair is that?

*didn't attend nat sci. wonder what my test results are. spent the whole free time to prepare, errr, pretend to prepare for infotech report, which didn't turn out to be the best performance of my life because the group took a major hit on presentation. this kinda sucks. i bore the pain of wearing heeled shoes the whole day solely because of this and it turns out to be not so great. i think i sound bitter. maybe. whatever. my feet just hurt a lot.

*the zipper of my slacks were totally destroyed-- beyond repair. clumsy me, stupid me.

*it feels like saerom and i roamed makati. fine, we just did portions of sm and glorietta but still.. my feet hurt like hell, remember? anyway, objective attained when we got the peach necktie for von's perusal for tomorrow's prom. we then satiated our grumbling tummys with california maki(!) and tea and misono and, ummm, what-saerom-ate. i love japanese food. rightie. i've said that around 2 008 893 948 times. heehee.

*a miss accidentally landed on my left foot pinkie when the bus to alabang jerked to a freakin stop. as if my heel-caused misery aint enough, lookie here~! i get to have free nail execution via accidental stomping! she didn't mean it a bit. im just pretty much in pain.

*ring texted. we'll meet up tomorrow and mull things over. hope everythin turns out for the best.

* ** ***

9 hours before theater. 9 hours before i see you. i can't bear the wait. too much. i'm bleeding to be with you.

finished --- 2:36a

my hon

2006-01-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

you are... a pleasant surprise.

just when i thought everything's gonna be so desperate for me, you happen and i suddenly have reason to go on.

gettin up in the mornin is not as unholy as it seemed to be, it is, as it never was, a new adventure, a new opportunity to be graced with your presence. sleepin at night does not anymore seem a task, a requirement for the next day to arrive, because i know that the moment i drift into sleep, it would not be oblivion but you and the gladness of knowing you.

i'm a fool --- as always. but in my folly i came upon the path that lead me to you, and rubbish though this may sound, it is an accident i will never regret. chances are, i'd choose to get into those nervous bits of time rather than live the scheme of life without ever stumbling once, and into you.

* ** ***

i'm infatuating, like a grade schooler, if i may add. and it feels great.

pains, breaks, directive

2006-01-08T15:49:00.000+08:00

this week's pains:

#accounting quiz and long exam
#physics long exam
#infotec report

next next week's pains:

#infotec midterms
#econ long exam (on the same day as infotec. urrrghh.)
#mgt sci midterms

my break:

#playin KOL

#bloggin

#playin minesweeper

haha. 603 seconds expert level. to think that j.k. rowling does that in less than a hundred. still got a long way to go.

#bathin sausage

#playin notpron

directive for the next 3 weeks: sort out your life.

last post

2005-12-31T18:12:00.000+08:00

6 hours before 2006. gotta be a good blogger and update.

*what happened on c'mas eve

nothin much. we went to hear mass and had our noche buena. i think i slept immediately after the meal or i resumed reading the vampire lestat (?). (stream of pictures follow)

too sexy for the shirt (3) heehee

c'mas meal

above: i like this pic. you see everyone. nice shot by me papa.

*what we did last night

last night was the finals of the world pyro olympics. we walked all the way from pricesmart baclaran to the esplanade where we could get nice views of the fireworks. UAE came first. what i liked was their heart and "skewed" pyros. after quite an interval, the philippines showcased. hooray pilipinas! really, really neat! i loved the slow shower they did plus the simultaneous blasting of colorful pyros. astig!

i have a video footage of the fireworks display but i still haven't found a host that works. bear with the rather narcisstic shots below (hey, at least they were taken during the event. heehee)

owa

pa en ma

von

me en kim

kim

* ** ***

i dread the continuation of the second semester. whatever.

* ** ***

will post again next year. (hehe)

my boo

2005-12-27T08:37:00.001+08:00

Boy you should know that

I've got you on my mind

Your secret admirer

I've been watching

- my boo, ghost town djs

i can be very sentimental. ironically, i find it displeasing whenever the emotions rage, although on the bright side, i always feel refreshed as aftermath.

i bless this day for i suffer deluge. i hope i am sane enough to get through this because i can't really tell. what i know for sure is this: at this very moment, i am being driven mad by the mere thought of him, the one i can never have.

this is an s.o.s. jade her bag, save me.

maybe my mythril dorian

or my immortal hero, lestat

will hear me.

c'mas parties

2005-12-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

i still feel lazy. but i fear that not posting these pictures will outdate them. (right. so they're outdated. i mean they might be more outdated.)

theater class!

all femme. (fine. micko included.)

micko's so cute here!

quote from mark: "parang bastusan lang yung nangyari. ako, binastos ko yung kanta. tapos kayo, binastos nyo ko."

we love videoke.

sexy people! ;)

gay 1, gay 2, gay 3

issue 1

issue 2

issue 3

issue 4! hehe

lantern?

credits: vienna for theater, tina for d2

i knew i'd be susan

2005-12-23T19:42:00.000+08:00

this c'mas break in particular

2005-12-21T16:51:00.000+08:00

i've been sitting the whole day in front of the computer without really any direction. i surfed, and surfed and surfed some more. i found a thing or two of relevance sure, but i admit that i wasted time staring at the screen and not knowing what i want to do.

early on i wanted to make an entry, something that would make the audience feel envy that i'm living my life. but because my existence is everything but meaningful and exciting, i was not able to come up with a good one.

so bear with me. these are things that i have realized today, be they of any importance to you.

==books i have to have:==

by neil gaiman

good omens (w/ pratchet)

sandman

stardust

coraline

neverwhere

anansi boyst

he day i swapped my dad for two goldfish

by paolo coehlo (yes, i still haven't read anything from paulo coehlo)

the alchemist

by the river piedra

i sat down and wept

veronika decides to die

the devil and ms prym

by mitch albom

tuesdays with morrie

five people you meet in heaven

by c.s. lewis (i saw a beautiful collection of these babies. i've been craving since.)

chronicles of narnia

by gabriel garcia marquez

love in the time of cholera

by nick hornby

a long way down

by sue monk kidd

the mermaid chair

secret life of bees

by chelsea handler

my horizontal life

by gregory maguire

wicked

son of a witch

by philip pullman

the golden compass

by lemony snickett (again i am seduced by a beautiful set.)

a series of unfortunate events

by j.k. rowling (i have 1-4 already.)

hp 5 & 6

==movies i need to watch:==

amelie

a very long engagement

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

underworld revolution

the da vinci code

the chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrobe

breakfast at tiffany's

oscar and lucinda (i have to see it again. i have to.)

hotel rwanda

the exorcism of emily rose (i still haven't watched it! urrrgggh.)

pride and prejudice

rent

willy wonka and the chocolate factory

the corpse bride

the godfather

pirates of the carribean 3

big momma's house 2

$$and no. i am not held in particular anticipation with the coming of king kong as i prefer either realistic movies or those adventurous in theme less nonhumanlike protagonists. in my mind i can't help but ask, "what's so good about a giant gorilla waving madly at security forces choppers while clinging to the empire state building?"$$

* ** ***

i have just finished reading lasher by anne rice, and violin (by the same author) before that. i am looking forward to finishing the vampire lestat before christmas. pray that i do not get too lazy.

* ** ***

my routine: i wake up around 9 in the morning and read 'til i get hungry; i grab brunch and if no one's using the computer, i begin my faithful pounding on the keyboard, which, lasts until i figure my fingers or eyes can no longer stand it, or my sister's hollering me and tearing me off the machine; if it's way too long before 530p, i try to catch a few winks if not i turn the tv on and enjoy the shift of shows mentioned below; after the last one, i go up to my room and start readin until my eyes hurt again; i then drift into sleep, subconsciously wondering if i had anything for dinner.

there are four daily weekday programs that i religiously watch. the first one is naruto. this is my all-time favorite anime, amen to that. second is frog prince. never mind what people think. i am a slave of funny asianovelas. next is etheria, the sequel to encatadia. i am aware that this is the filipino attempt at something classic like LOTR. the production's short of that, naturally, but i daresay the storyline's working it's magic on me. last is jewel in the palace, another asianovela. it's not funny, but i am rather entertained by the unique setup and i feel attached, if you could imagine that, to the good guys (or girls, for that matter).

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my beautiful hephaistion

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mr. bean on the roll. gotta get ready.

oblation run

2005-12-19T18:37:00.000+08:00

i tried to stay away from AS. but with ash, niña and mao, we sort of, got lost in the wave.

i didn't plan it this time. my conscience's clean. i never intended to be there. i admit having invited several friends over to watch but i never said i'll be in the frontlines with them. i thought i'd just escort them to a nice spot with great view then, be right behind everybody else, away from the commotion, away from the hearty screaming and fake gasps.

but i was--- the frontlines. i was there. right beside the cameras and news reporters and the excited freshies, and the rooting gays, and the gay-looking, overly accessorized, inch-thick cake covered *tooot* (read: +webster makes bookstore) students. i held mao's phone in my hand, set in video mode, on standby because it took the guys pretty long before they came running about naked. i was pushin against the damned freshies who were nudgin me forward closer the path of the run. gee-wheeze. i felt as if i were one of the fratmen, keepin the crowd from actually smothering or touching or harassing my brothers. beside me, a fratman was also keepin the crowd back. he looked real familiar though it took me sometime before i actually realized who he was, where i'd seen him, et cetera. finally, pp17. he became a seatmate once. i wanted to say, "wow! you're in APO? how fab! good for you!" but of course that would be abnormally homo of me to say something like that so i contented myself with the mere knowledge of who he was and what he was now and instead, asked him which way the guys would be coming from, whether from the left odd wing, the AS walk or the right even wing staircases or the right even wing. he said he doesn't know either (though i bet he does) and it was a secret. right. you'd take out the wonderful element of surprise if you'd spill the vectors.

i stood there, perhaps, for almost a full hour. there were false alarms all the time mind you. one moment everybody would just shriek and you'd think they're there, next moment, activist leaders would start chanting nonconformist rhymes. that sort of stuff. UP. oh man, i love UP. def.

long wait over. they came from the right. i pressed the record button and the phone stored whatever or whoever passed before the lens. i caught my eyes in check before they went blundering over the gorgeous naked bodies in parade. i stared at the ceiling. my thoughts were about how very beautiful the ceiling was. i tried to think of other happy things. i was distracting myself from what was actually occuring there, then. hell, i don't want to see those. not anymore. curiosity quenched last year, remember? move on, get on with your life. forget the trauma. just don't look down. and i didn't. i was a success.

see, i'm clean. i'm not being haunted by horrible images. i know no guilt, i never have, not even since last year. i can at least be proud to say that i never went to see the run with unclean motives. i was there to support APO, great APO, and to bear witness to the bravery the guys branded for a worthy cause. happy 80th anniversary to APO!

long live APO!

rich & famous

2005-12-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

MVP awards

me&papa

me&MVP

cr babe 1

cr babe 2

i had fun. (and cash.. heehee)

blogthings

2005-12-14T14:12:00.000+08:00

i wanna write something but i'm feeling really lazy.

You Are a Glam Rocker!

You put the "show" in rock show with your larger than life self.
No doubt, you are all about making good music...
But what really gets you going is having an over the top show.
Glitter, costumes, and wild hair are your thing - with some rock thrown in!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.
At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.
When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.

In friendship, you are loyal to one person.
Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.
You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

The Birth Order Predictor

Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious

You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.
People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.
You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.
You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart
Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome
Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand
And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.
It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.
You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.
You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You Obsessed With Your Looks?

You Are Bad Girl Sexy

Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot.
You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on.
And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you.
Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

Your Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow

Your energy: balancing

Your season: changing of seasons

Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends.
You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems.
Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones.
Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What Element Are You?

You are a Dark Red Rose

You represent unconscious beauty and deep passion.

Your vibe: sophisticated and worldly

Falling in love with you is: wildly carnal and forbidden

What Color Rose Are You?

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

Guys Like That You

asar as in

2005-12-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

damn. why can't i do it like that? what more do i have to learn?

i hate it. posing, i just know, i'm sure. it's def. posing.

urgghhh. you ruined my original ideas. i didn't know. of all people.

i hate it. really do. damn.

and you'll know i opened. damn. stupid me for not checking. hell, i hope it's not working. f.f.f.

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sometimes the nonstop texting just irritates and bores me. i get too lazy to keep on pressin the keypad. i get too lazy reading the messages sent over again. urrrrggggghhhhh. trust me. ... ... okay don't. that's a stupid idea.

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stuff to do:

181 case

99.2 chapter 13 exercises

180.1 curriculum vitae

pe shit. practicals na bukas.

th11 wrap gift

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going. going. gone.